Deep Emotion

Why am I in so much pain?
Hidden beneath these beautiful green eyes
Is so much sorrow so hard to contain.

A life of lies
A life of disguise
Will it someday ever end?

I'm drowning in guilt
I'm filled with fear
Sometimes I wonder
"What the hell am I doing here?"

Is there a purpose?  
Is there a reason for my self-diagnosed insanity?
Or is there something better beyond the bend?

Why am I so numb?
Lying alone and helpless
My mind races
My heart beats faster

I know I'm loved
From the One up above
But sometimes it's hard to believe.

I'm so afraid
I'm lost and scared
Is the sun shining bright somewhere?

Will I ever see the light?
Is it really greener on the other side?
Will I someday finally see?

Why can't I be the old me?
Remembering how things used to be

Proves only to be disheartening

I looked so great

Had such a zest for life
Whatever happened to that girl I more than liked?

Can I be me again?
Can I get back the life I used to love?
Can things really be the way they were before?

Yes I'm strong
I'm bold and smart
But do I have it in me to create a brand new start?

I am ever so willing to try
Small steps I'll take each day

And soon, hopefully soon,
My pain will be no more!