He was old, he had lived for nearly 90 years now
and has been a happy, loyal and loving person for
88 of them.
Two years ago, he was diagnosed with cancer. After
which he became bitter, cynical and rarely visited
anymore. When he did, he usually talked of only
one thing. His paradise, the forest.
Lately he found himself spending most of his days there. He
was about to start one of his afternoon walks again.
Standing on the edge of the forest, he took delight
in the fresh summer scents and green lines of trees
and looked at the path leading in:
Its entrance was cool and shaded,
A pathway overhung with the oldest trees.
Crowned by the ages,
yet untouched by the hands on time.
Their branches wove a breathing ceiling,
Against which the hottest summers faded.
"It's like the tunnel you go through before you reach the light",
he used to joke. He knew he would be there soon enough.
And when that moment was there, would anyone really notice?
People wondered why he went there so often. "Is it because life is so
peaceful there, so simple? Simple...
He walked into his favourite area of the forest. In its center lay a
lake, fluttered with tiny green islands and surrounded by large
sandy hills. It was getting late and the sun started to descend.
He always felt like the hills were a large seat, upon
which he sat looking down at a most stunning opera:
At dusk, the light blue water reflected the red air,
as the sun painted fire across the skyline.
There, he always felt his soul revive.
It was almost like a grand stage, upon which the birds sang
their most beautiful songs.
And the fishes danced the intricate dance of nature.
Freely.
Caught in the perpetual circle of life.
Simple.. hardly, he mumbled.
What good could humanity possibly do in a place like this?
How would it benefit from a shopping mall, or a highway?
Man could never abide the rules of nature, as they are
stuck in their own dance, a dance with the devil.
Perhaps he was bitter after all, but he had all reason to. He
was tired, very tired.
He walked into a large open space, where the trees
were spread sporadically. Their branches obscured
the autumn sky. He watched the leaves fall to the
ground, as he slowly fell into his last sleep:
Throughout the autumn the earth was clad,
in a tapestry of green, brown and red.
Against a tree a man was sat,
Tiredly looking at the road ahead.
It ran seemingly infinitely,
Like possibilities used to be.
But now there was only one left that he could see,
And that was to sleep eternally.
His head slowly fell to his chest,
But his eyes began to glow,
Of all places, this was surely the best,
to finally let go.
Satisfied, he knew that his life would soon cease,
Goodbye grandpa, may you rest in peace.
Author notes
This is a piece I wrote for my grandpa.
He passed away this year, he had cancer. After he was diagnosed with it he became very cynical and visited less often, he wasn't really the same. He would spend most of his time taking walks in the nearby forest.
He would always talk about it to us, all wonderful places in there and why he liked it so much. He talked about it with passion. When the conversation was about 'real life', he would instantly seem bitter. He died of a heart attack during one his walks in the forest.
Recently I've decided to follow in his footsteps and take a walk there aswell, visit all the places he mentioned. That is where I wrote this poem.
I wrote it to reflect the dual personalities he seemed to have near the end and to honor him. I hope you like it.
He passed away this year, he had cancer. After he was diagnosed with it he became very cynical and visited less often, he wasn't really the same. He would spend most of his time taking walks in the nearby forest.
He would always talk about it to us, all wonderful places in there and why he liked it so much. He talked about it with passion. When the conversation was about 'real life', he would instantly seem bitter. He died of a heart attack during one his walks in the forest.
Recently I've decided to follow in his footsteps and take a walk there aswell, visit all the places he mentioned. That is where I wrote this poem.
I wrote it to reflect the dual personalities he seemed to have near the end and to honor him. I hope you like it.
A contest entry
- Enter Your best. by Antebellum.
550 points, ended July 9, 169 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Was is too long, did it stay interesting throughout?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
The length is not an issue so long as you manage to keep the reader's attention. You had me enthralled up until you mentioned the shopping malls and highways. It jarred me out of the spell you had wrought with the poem, however this is in a way a compliment to your use of language and tone, because I had become so deeply invested in the story you were telling that the mentioning of Mankind's constructions saddened me as much as it appeared to sadden the old man. It's a good poem, and it's not too long.
-Jack Rimbaud -
beautiful
I thought it might be too long. But since it was such a wonderful write. I didn't even notice. Keep writing! May your Grandad rest in peace.
-
Not too long. Just right.
It didn't drag out, which I find very impressive. Long poetry is a hard concept to grasp. /My/ long poems even bore me. This, however, held my attention until the end. It sounds as if I would've gotten along splendidly with your grandfather. I live in a very small town in Northern Ontario Canada. The forest is also my paradise, I understand how it becomes an escape. Your tribute was very touching, and I'm sure your grandfather would be so proud.
Thank you for your vivid and heartfelt contribution to this website. -
Sorry to hear about your lose. it is always sad to see someone go. But you seem to have done a marvelous work trying to capture the mind frame of his last few days of life, and it is so inspiring and so strongly reflective!
The narrative style with dual narrators added more charm to whole piece. This is truly a beautiful poem. Thanx for sharing -
you have done him proud youave walked with him and for a while went on his journey through his eyes alot of memories for him im sure thats why he loved it so much and he has left you withknowing you will walk there for him and through time it to will beco
-
Beautiful...
Blessed are those that honor their elders, and find joy in the togetherness of the family, for they will never lose their identity.
I have enjoyed the reading of "Paradise".
I trust You will understand why I have read the second, third and fourth paragraphs in "two" as follows:
"Two years ago, he was diagnosed with cancer. After which he became bitter, cynical and rarely visited anymore. When he did, he usually talked of only one thing. His paradise, the forest. Lately he found himself spending most of his days there.
He was about to start one of his afternoon walks again. Standing on the edge of the forest, he took delight in the fresh summer scents and green lines of trees and looked at the path leading in:"
"Paradise" sings in tribute for a wise tributee that
found his paradise in communion with Nature.
Blessed be Your Quills through a long healthy creative life.
In respect and admiration,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
-
Superb
'tis a very fine write, and tribute. You have expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one.
-
very sad and beautiful at the same time!
-
Heartfelt Eulogy
This is more prose then verse, but well written with heartfelt emotion.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
