My head spins as the floor
Gives way beneath my feet.
My chest tightens and I feel
Like I'm suffocating.
As your words ring in
My too eager to listen ears,
My heart stops and my mind
Pauses; I forget my breath.
The silence that ensues
Is louder than anything that
Has ever besieged my ears.
If you were here I know what you'd say.
As tears stream down my cheeks,
I know that I am no longer
Breathing in precious air, and
I know you are yelling at me to breathe.
My head spins as the floor
Gives way beneath my feet.
My chest tightens and I feel
Like I'm suffocating.
Breathe, we both remind me,
As I lose my mind and
Forget myself and everything else.
All at once I've lost it.
A contest entry
- & i've forgotten how to breathe again. by Immortal Obscurity.
800 points, ended July 12, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Great use of the title as a prompt, though I'm not overly-crazy about the poem itself. The overuse of certain words ('breathe' and 'lose' particularly) kinda kills the mood.
I'd like to see a little more depth to this. What does the physical absence of air feel like, in more metaphorical terms? Dig a little deeper, instead of just scratching at the surface.
Thanks for your entry
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