I.
The sand is perfect ripples undulating to the bay,
as the 6:00 A.M sun flashes open a sulfur-eye,
yawns and apologizes for its January warmth.
She emerges her tent, much as she has entered the world,
naked, but filled with wonder and an attitude.
The glassy water winks her an invitation,
morning's blank canvas beach
etched only by random footprints of seabirds.
Taking advantage of the serenity,
haltingly slipping between the waves,
her skin bristles, subsumes cool ocean freshness,
surfboard bobs obediently at her side.
II.
On this planet we have friends, who
pose no questions and pass no criticisms,
who the more they trust, the less
we can afford to make a mistake.
III.
Like a pat of butter skimming a hot pan,
she lolls blissfully on the board, soaking up scenery,
heedless to the approach from the rear,
yet, sensing she is being watched.
Dorsal fins break the water's surrounding skin,
as a pod of bottlenoses dance and play,
pretend to be oblivious, as she floats within their sights.
Their presence startles, still, she quietly observes their folly,
willing them to come ever closer ...
Her outstretched hand beckons them to
circle with puppy-like curiosity.
IV.
Arguably, the perfect couple is a mother and child;
babies do more to females than make them mothers,
they bond them in a sisterhood of knowing recognition,
to which others need not apply.
V.
Coriolis swirl of scarred dolphin bodies evades inquiring fingertips,
eye of the alpha-female fixed intently on the floating visitor,
who in turn looks back in shared wonder ---
between two mothers of the Earth, a psychic trust is formed.
The bottlenose rolls a streamlined fusiform body,
revealing a smaller version of her own,
tucked safely against her white underbelly.
The sun was racing Apollo's arc, as they silently
slipped beneath the plane and were gone.
She knows they've been fending off shark attack,
wishes for a way to fend off trawlers with gill nets.
A singled tear rolls down her cheek,
trickles off the board to merge with salty blue beneath,
reaching compassionately for her sister in the sea.
Author notes
This poem is a collaboration written by the talented Austrailian poet Purple Phoenix and A60sMan
A contest entry
- EVERYTHING by Juno101.
452 points, ended July 17, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My 1 year Allpoetry Anniversary by Lady Michaella.
660 points, ended July 24, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Didn't quite get it!!! Honorable Mention Pre-writes ONLY! by Concrete Angel.
550 points, ended September 8, 27 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Your opening lines are beautiful
The sand is perfect ripples undulating to the bay,
as the 6:00 A.M sun flashes open a sulfur-eye,Just perfect as an opening.
I feel it unwise to comment in a constructive way as this has already won awards but when it comes to amazing phrases like this
Coriolis swirl of scarred dolphin bodies evades inquiring fingertips,
it can sometimes be a bit much to keep it on one line. I personally would separate them out a little but this is personal preference. your word choices are fantastic. A cut above the rest for sure.
Emma
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Your criticism is spot on, Emma ...
... and always welcome, always sought out. Please, never fear and hold back any criticism, your talent as an artist is recognized.
You've zeroed in on the very line I was personally most displeased with. My writing partner was a busy single mom and music teacher located on the other side of the planet, so it took us four-plus months to write this piece. Since, it was her story we were writing, she was the team captain and had final call on the editing. After four months we were both anxious to rush our co-operative creation on to a couple of poetry sites, so we didn't edit nearly as much as we ordinarily would have.
I will relay to her your comment on our first two lines knowing she'll be tickled. You have no idea how many times we re-wrote those two lines seeking perfection. It's gratifying to hear someone independent state that we achieved our goal. I'm a firm believer that the opening lines of a piece have got to grab the reader by their genitals and compel them forward into the poem.
Thank you for your kind words,
Brian
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Beautiful~
Powerful piece penned and Magnificent Collaboration~
Love the way You weaved Your words also the Message
for it tugged hard at Spirit! Bravo!!
Excellent~
Congratulations on Your shiny!
-throws confetti-
Woot~ 
Thank You for sharing Your Talents
Best wishes in all You do
with love & light~ Desire~*~
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This is superb, and I hope whomever beat you in the other contests had reeeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyyyyyy good poems
I love how this was seperated into parts. The longer parts telling a beautiful story of the interaction between this girl and nature, and the shorter parts (to me at least) were wonderful messages almost sending out a wake up call saying "Hey pay attention we're ruining what we've got through our ignorance!" (but sometimes I read too deeply into a poem
)
This truly did move me... to the point I had tears welling (and that doesn't happen much when I read)
I just really enjoyed the story you wove here, and the internal messages included. Beautiful work, and now that you're a finalist, GOOD LUCK
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i have to be honest, i was a bit confused by it.. but i will place you because your imagery is just amazing and breathtaking. great work
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Yo, it was nice and had good imagery. Thanks for joining in my moresome.
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love the way the words flow...love the imagery!
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