Such brevity in the space
surrounding the escape of my lungs;
a vast world stretched so far in ever direction
as I'm centered on the edge of vibrant petals.
While the surrounding heavens
may not breathe life into a withering soul,
it can be the crutch I need to make it through
another rainy season when a new drop of dew
will surely take my place.
Author notes
Stay Close by Healzo on deviant art
A contest entry
- & i've forgotten how to breathe again. by Immortal Obscurity.
800 points, ended July 12, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites. by dieu..
601 points, ended July 6, 184 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fight for the Gold: Prewrites Unlimited #1 by amaranthine lover.
27500 points, ended August 28, 185 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
soo....whats your honest opinion?
Comments
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21.68 / 25
Beautifully done darling! -
L3 "every" instead of ever?
Softly written a fine take on the prompt. Thank you for entering the "Fight for the Gold" contest it is appreciated. Best of luck to you..
Scott
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I like this. Not my usual genre of choice (I'm partial to the dark stuff), but it is very well-written nonetheless.
Something about the word 'crutch' bothered me. I think it's because it's too harsh for the rest of the poem. Try keeping your language soft, like a calla-lily; it's better-suited to the tone of the piece.
Thanks for your entry
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