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~Air Guitar

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Seems I'm spending most of my time
at the Karaoke King.
Under normal circumstances
I wouldn't say a thing.


(Because...)


I need to invest some more time in me
or I will never become a star,
because I've already sunk a pretty penny
just pimpin' out my car.


This Mississippi mud
is boggin' down my truck,
and if I don't keep it movin'
I'll never get unstuck.


Success always comes from hard, hard work
it never, ever comes from afar.
Remind me later, please; if you would
to change the strings on my air guitar.

And I'm getting very tired
of dancing with my own silhouette.
I want a big 'ol house
and a brand new black Corvette.

My future's slowly rising,
it shouldn't take me long.
You see,this stage is my home
and this here is my new song!

I need to invest some more time in me
or I'll never become a star,
because I've already sunk a pretty penny
just pimpin' out my car.


This Mississippi mud
is boggin' down my truck,
and if I don't keep it movin'
I'll never get unstuck.






 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Author notes

r e d b a r c h e t t a d r i v e

A contest entry

What's in your wallet? :D

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • Moozle
    July 23
    Edit | Reply
    In reading this one, I got to know you a bit. I got a good picture of the truck four wheeling. I liked the "future slowly rising" too.


  • AugustInSeptember
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    I thought it was as mzuniverse99 put it 'funky'. It was intersting ot read, and I liked the bit about dancing with your silhouette.

    Curious: Is it rap?


  • Mango Memories gold member
    July 22
    Edit | Reply
    hahah!


    now i found this very very funky XD

    Well done on a surpurb write ^^


  • AllexisReed
    July 18
    Edit | Reply
    This is great! I found a great way to tune an air guitar!! LOL


  • DancingRed
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    I like the phrase 'My future's slowly rising'... very poetic. This piece sounds like lyrics, really, which is fine, but I'm not really looking for lyrics just now.

    Maybe "if you would like to change the strings" would sound better.

    "You see, this stage is my home" - this line wants an extra space after the comma. But I feel like I'm just trying to fix the folded-up collar of a poem that's way too cool for that.

    Thanks for entering!


  • whoudini
    July 16

    Edit | Reply

    this was very good and a little humorous and well nothing like playing a

    air guitar and nothing like lip syncing a song either, that the kind of bands we need out there now . thanks was very interesting and was a very good piece of work ,and will forward to reading more of your work.


  • Snowing Kisses gold member
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    I love this,
    and im getting very tired of dancing with my own sillohette
    awesome line
    cant believe i never read you before but um.... I will read you again
    thanks
    T


  • Gypsy Via Orleans
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    I like that guitar of yours. If you can't find new strings give me a holler and I'll let you have the spares I keep on hand for emergencies.
    this was good. I enjoyed the read.


  • Antebellum
    July 10
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing lyrics!!
    the flow to this was amazing
    thanks for entering.
    Good luck.


  • AwesomeJoshsome
    July 7

    Edit | Reply

    Capitol One!

    Haha, I love the lyrics, very catchy it had it's own rhythm without instruments. Very very good Maybe someday you'll sell it


    • redbarchettadrive gold member
      July 7
      Edit | Reply
      Like I told DG down below:
      I was in a room feeding the old folks at the nursing home where my daughter just recently took employment also. Well, she was in the same room as I and my supervisor was also within earshot. Well, I said to my daughter (for laughs) just loud enough so boss lady could hear,"Remind me to pick up some strings for my air guitar." I got a little chuckle and an awkward look, and this poem was born 2 days later when I finally realized that it just might be poem / lyrics material. Thanks so much Josh!


  • Ami
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is an awesome lyric creative too
    and as for what's in my wallet... It's empty exept for a pic of my boyfriend


    • redbarchettadrive gold member
      July 7
      Edit | Reply
      I'm still trying to come up with a cool song!
      Thanks so much Amy!
      That "What's in your wallet" thing is from a commercial for CapitalOne Credit Cards. lol

  • DecorusApparatus
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    This flowed excellently well, I really liked these lines:
    "Remind me later, please; if you would
    to change the strings on my air guitar.

    And I'm getting very tired
    of dancing with my own silhouette."

    Impressive work Red. This is something to be proud of!

    --Katie.


  • Dark Geometry
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    I like your metaphores here my man. This was deeper than one would be led to believe. Bravo! I always love subtext.


    • redbarchettadrive gold member
      July 7
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks man! I was in a room feeding the old folks at the nursing home where my daughter just recently took employment also. Well, she was in the same room as I and my supervisor was also within earshot. Well, I said to my daughter (for laughs) just loud enough so boss lady could hear,"Remind me to pick up some strings for my air guitar." I got a little chuckle and an awkward look, and this poem was born 2 days later when I finally realized that it just might be poem / lyrics material.
      Thanks so much for the comment too!


  • Lonecat
    July 6
    Edit | Reply
    ......Dude.....Is this like a song you made?!


  • Black Narcissus gold member
    July 4
    Edit | Reply
    Luv the last line. Keep practicing don't forget the invisible plectrum.

1 - 22 of 22