June has past. Torn.
Now those who stand in July,
Are born.
With this Ruby that you hold,
That symbolizes cherish in a heart of bold.
Devotion, integrity, courage and generosity like a ruby.
Vitality, confidence, happiness and strength from a ruby.
The July memory of Independence and soldiers of war.
That lies in a ruby, with memories growing more and more.
Red. The color and meaning of a Ruby.
A popular gem and its beauty.
Rubies say "hey" and Rubies say "goodbye"
But the rubies that mean the most to us.
Are the rubies in July.
Author notes
Option 5
A contest entry
- July New Member Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended August 6, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think about my poem
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Welcome to Allpoetry
I like the use of rhyme, though you seem to lose it a little.
I think that you use ruby a little too much, have a look for a different word
Welcome to Allpoetry and thank you for entering our contest
I hope that you enjoy the site, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask
Good luck!
I encourage you to comment others and generate activity for yourself!
Good job, keep writing and best of luck to you in the contest!
-
Welcome to AllPoetry!
I enjoyed this poem, although I must say it felt a little stilted in places - perhaps you went a little overboard with line breaks
However, your message is lovely, and overall this was a nice read
Best of luck in the contest, and if you have any questions about the site don't hesitate to ask!!
♥ Maria
Site Greeter ♥ -
welcome to allpoetry
well done on this, the descriptive nature that you used is very good, thanks for sharing this with us here and for joining the site, please keep up the writing and thank you for entering in to the contest!
cheers
-
Welcome to Allpoetry
Well you have some good uses of personification in there. A little too much punctuation for me and it disrupted the flow. The poem felt kind of disconnected to me. More all the ways you could think to talk about Rubies and July. I think, for me, the use of Ruby and July was just a little too much as well. The flow would have been much improved without all the repitition of the word Ruby and July. These of course are just my suggestions, you are free to take them or leave them.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy
Site Greeter -
Welcome to AllPoetry!
This is an interesting poem, I did like the way that you used the traits associated with the ruby here - although I think that the flow is a little awkward because of all the short sentences, maybe try adding some different types on imagery in this but it is very nice nonetheless!
Welcome to the site, I hope that you enjoy your time here at AllPoetry!
Polly
Site Greeter -
Welcome to AllPoetry
Thank You for Your Entry
An interesting poem, the repetitive use of 'ruby' seems a little redundant after a few times however this is a lovely poem You may wish to edit the captalizing of each line as it indicates a new thought each line
Best of Luck
I hope you enjoy AllPoetry and continue to share your words with us
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
Site Greeter -
Welcome to Allpoetry
I agree with Jeremy; the rhyme sounds a tad forced, and the overuse of the word 'ruby' bothered me. If a word is too difficult to rhyme, I suggest tossing it, in favour of one that is easier to rhyme.
Good luck & thank you for entering
Laura
Site Greeter -
Welcome To Allpoetry
Very well written, although the rhyme seemed a bit forced, but maybe it's just me!
Welcome to AllPoetry! If you have any questions feel free to ask and I hope you are having fun on here!
Blessed Be,
Jeremy
Site Greeter
-
nice poem. I like the ending the most.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
