From hard hidden folds where granites press
stony drops through limestone crevices
to streams that coalesce in emptiness
and pool in caverns dripping far from sight
to canyon narrows carved from monuments
heft high above a universe of waves
to stillborn depths where ancient forms of life
move like starving ghosts amid the void
she creeps through time an ever present force
birthing shapes amorphous to the mind
which rise and bubble out into the light
manifest for moments on the wind
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
Comments
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beautiful - the imagery, and the overall calm tone of the piece is transfixing - I can't look away until the end.
For me, it's perfection. No revision needed
Golden Song
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Thanks. Yes this poem is pretty much as it's going to be. I only wanted to separate it from the poem it was originally part of so I could move on with that original poem (see my response to Virgoan). Glad you enjoyed!
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What I like about this piece is that it grows stronger and stronger, one line to the next. No question ask, your diction is just right resulting to fluidity of the piece. The abstractness of life in this piece gives that vibe that as a reader you are hungry for more.
I, personally expects that this poem will grow. There is something here. An aftertaste probably that I want to keep and I want to know.
Hope you have time Sir to help me understand further. Extend the piece or tweak it a bit is your call.
Just my thought my friend.
Always a pleasure to read your work. Thanks for sharing.
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This is actually the abandonment of my first attempt at "Contrast", which you've been to see a few times. I realized that I needed to take a different approach. This was originally to be part I of "Contrast". When I couldn't figure out how to focus part II, after literally months of meditation on the mater, I scrapped part I to it's own poem, "Maya", and started anew with "Contrast".
So, to better understand this poem, you might read it again after looking at "Contrast". "Maya" is very much synonymous with part I of "Contrast". -
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Thanks for enlightening me Sir. I will see to it that before the week ends I will view the other poem and be re-reading this one.
I'll give you my extended feedback after that.
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I felt like I was reading the birth of a world. A beautiful vision.
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Or at least one aspect. Perhaps my most recent post deals more with the cycle of death and birth.
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Ah! I absolutely love the diction used. =]
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Thanks again! Glad you loved!
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Hrm. I do love your vocabulary selection. Higher than the usual norm just makes it seem more sophsticated
And a few words I had to look up. Very nicely done. Leaves the reader much to ponder.
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It's good to broaden your vocabulary. The great your vocabulary, the more articulately you'll be able to express yourself. Glad you enjoyed!
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Hi Erin
About forty years ago I became friends to a Mayan family in Florida who travelled fom the Yucatan Peninsula to work now and then.
We had become good friends as was given our work schedules. One day they told me they were going back to Mexico and before they left The father gave me a present of a watch.
I remember that moment and feeling that the watch had a significance not my own. That is what I felt as he gave it to me.
That is what was brought to mind as I read this.
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Hmmm I had another sort of maya in mind.
Friendships like the one you've described are priceless. They change us forever and bring us to become more accepting and tolerant of other cultures and systems of belief.
Nice to hear from you, sir.
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These are preliminary signs of what is to come, changing earth' life in ways beyond the imagination of most. As time flowed mankind became trapped in a maze of impossibility and paradox removing him increasingly further away from the truth in which nothing is impossible. May this future in linear time flood earth soon. Thank you for creating and sharing. Take care.
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Time is always flooded with creation. Perhaps it's not possible for it to be any other way. Thanks for reading, sir, and for your thoughts.
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