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malice

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his eyes sparked with
a sincerity that had
never met wisdom, and
he wanted to paint life into

black and white idealism


but the only colour she
allowed was a red-inked
mockery of his desire
for approval; and all he
found ugly was his own
ability to forgive her

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Author notes

wordbank: red, spark, ugly, colour, forgive, sincerity, approve, ink, wisdom, dream.

as per the rules -> _violin_

91/100

A contest entry

This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • notorious
    July 18
    Edit | Reply
    I agree with my former comment using 'bitchin'.

  • ChokingOnDaylight
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    Even though this piece is so short, I do not see anything here that merits a re-write or add-on in any way, shape, or form. Excellent work on the short piece, in so few words the imagery was bright and very vivid.

    I do apologize for taking so long to getting around to read and comment on your work after you were so kind to do so to mine over a month ago, i shall read a few more to make up for it!


  • Darklordkya
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I loved your use of the word bank. Very beautiful. Thank you for entering my contest. Good Luck.


  • SincerelySavannah
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely beautiful.
    I can't even explain what I like about it.
    I just love all of it.

  • notorious
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    I don't care for "black and white dreams" (but no hatred either).

    That second stanza is entirely bitchin.

    Like, if bitchin was a shape,
    your second stanza would be shaped just like that.

    ;


  • Candy Morphine
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    his eyes sparked with
    a sincerity that had
    never met wisdom
    -this was a word bank poem?!?! fuck no. it couldn't be.

    but it is.

    i would have never guessed.

    seamless emotion.

  • piggyback
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... I almost relate to this. And it's so raw and beautifully written. Love how you made the prompt your own - I find that very hard to do with word banks. This poem uses brevity with excellence and shows quite a story. Love it. Love the title, too, by the way.


  • charcoal
    July 4
    Edit | Reply
    great insight into the character of these two people.

    crisp and well written.

1 - 8 of 8