broken beer bottles and shattered fantasies
you were a test tube baby
your hands were always thin and cold
papery skin like moth's wings
you thought anorexia was the coolest trend
and always tried to count your ribs
Comments
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I'm going to be brutal here, because there is some great descriptions about.
The opening two lines seem detached from the rest of the poem and, instead, opening the poem with lines three and four would give it more impact.
In the last two lines the term "anorexia" is simply too much or a give-away -the audience doesn't need to be told because, from the language you have used to describe the persona "Brooke", it is already understood. Plus, people remember subtlety over in your face obvious language.
The way you have ended the poem "and always tired to count your ribs" was brilliantly done, and the imagery in lines three and four, especially line four, is simply superb.
For that alone, you deserve some applause.
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