The sunshine faded slowly to dark
The unintended pain hit the mark
Lost and wandering all around
Falling to my knees to the ground
Heart wrenching with unbelievable pain
Slowly feeling as if I'm going insane
Nightmares fill each and every night
Waking up crying filled with fright
Still cant believe you left me
Left all alone, Don't you see
The closest person in my entire life
Your gone now, filling me with strife
Why would this happen why..oh why
Forever was such a damned lie
Brother you were my all, my everything
All the happiness you did bring
2 years now, still feels like yesterday
Waking up knowing I cant say
I love you and lets go eat
Or in backgammon it was you I could beat
2 damn years with out you
What in the fuck am I gonna do?
I'm still so angry, I still cry all the time
My heart still breaks, the pain is still mine.
No one can change it, not ever, Don't try
No one to even hold me while I cry.
Author notes
It has been 2 years now, since my brother has been gone and eacha nd everyday is still like the day he died so unexpectedly. I still have the nig htmares, I still cry everyday...It will never get better.....
Still working on this, ideas anyone?
Comments
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Raw emotion
Wow Emily this is such a pain filled poem. So much emotion poured upon the page. You did an amazing job here capturing your feelings and expressing them on the page. You really bared your soul with this one. The flow is beautiful and the rhyme scheme works really well, maybe a little forced in some spots, but that is to be expected considering the content. I know this is a deeply personal write, but I hope you dont mind me pointing out some things I think you could improve.
So for starters, I think you should change the end of line 4 to on the ground instead of repeating the word to.
In line 10 the d on dont should probably be lowercase, dont you think?
In line 19 the and should probably be or.
Line 20 should be changed to something like...or gloat(or brag) in backgammon how it was you I could beat
And again in line 25 the d on dont should be lowercase.
Those are just my opinions though and I am sorry I am being so critical of your amazing work here. Keep writing so I can keep reading. Great job as usual.
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it will get better sweetheart, you just dont know it yet, but it will, the pain will never go away, but it will become easier to cope with, I promise.
Things like not feeling pain might seem like a million miles away, but its not, its around the corner, one day you'll wake up and smile at something silly he said or did, and you wont be sad, or want to cry, you'll want to laugh your ass off, your family might think you've gone berserk, but you'll know that thats the time you've finally gotten past being sad.
god,.. that was alot wasnt it?
This is an awesome poem that I think you should print out and put in a book of things that remind you of him, that when the pain passes you can put it away.
I love you hun, stay safe
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