“Unjust!”
I accused Fate
“Unjust is your verdict of balance.
“Never the deserved gets it right,
“Never the return is what it ought to be.
“Rich getting richer,
“Poor even less has to live on anymore.
“Patient in more pain
“The healthy is bored of the wealth.
“Souls are lost,
“Body is gained over the heart.
“Unfair!” I said
“Destiny is just a mockery of life.”
Fate grinned.
“You choose, I lead
“I adjust your plead
“You demand, I consider
“I give as you require
“Unjust, you say!
“Unfair my way!
“What is it when
“Ruin you want then
“Of others not your ally
“You cheat, you kill, you lie.
“That is not my game
“It is just your claim.”
Fate grimaced
I saw life faced.
The ablaze Troy, the jeers, the cries
The sobs, the blame, the bluest eyes
The scarlet letter, the everlasting stain
The arms and the men in reign
The tyrant of the moor evolve
From the ashes of love’s resolve
Betray in the air slices the circle through
Everywhere the same is in conjure.
I sighed.
Fate snorted.
“Look all around you
“Look hard, clear the view
“Past the prejudices
“Merging the pieces.
“Look left, look right
“Move up and down your sight
“Judge when you see it all
“Reasons of rise and fall.
“Blame it you all on me?
“Without sparing moments to see.
“It’s always the same old song
“Weak you are, though strong.”
Fate stated.
I listened.
I exclaimed
“Unjust!
“Unfair!
“Unwanted is your intervention in life.
“We choose what we get,
“We see as is shown afore,
“Our mere wants are that you give not;
“Our desires, that are not offered.
“Destiny is always fixed for us,
“Just you, Fate, enjoy playing
“Make us work for nothing but death.
“Blame you are to be
“For all that is wrong
“We are mere man
“With a prayer song.
“We share not your blame.”
Fate laughed.
I glowered.
“Man, such a creation!
“Pride leads your emotion
“Never to own weakness
“Faults, error or lapse.
“Vanity veils virtue
“Vice tame what’s true
“Man loses sight
“Rises up to fight
“The Divine Might
“For undeserved right.
“Bravo man Bravo!
“Futile to guide your sow.”
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Good
Some lines...You have the most brilliant of all topics here, just some of your lines seem a bit over-stressed. I like how you made fate into a character. That was an awesome idea. You have the old style of wording your thoughts. That is amazing. I tried that...and failed. Lol. I would also look at the fact that some of your lines seem pushed or difficult, if you get my meaning. And thank you so very much for your comment(s). I really appreciate all of them
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AMAZING.
This poem has been my favorite and the best read so far. There is no word to describe how great it was written. I really wish I had your talents.
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Superb poem. Not only brilliantly written but an absolutely outstanding idea for a poem.
I think the great appeal of this poem is that almost everyone was thought these things without articulating them as coherently as you do for us all here.
I noticed you wanted constructive criticism, which is hard to give to such an amazing piece of work, but I would say that afew lines seemes somewhat forced purely for reasons of rhyme. Normally I would glance over these, but with just afew of those awquards areas changed this could be an absolute classic.
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Great read.
I could definately relate to this. A long piece, but interesting the whole way through. "All killer no filler" applies here
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amazing write!
I am floored by this poem you have written here. I have been going over many things in my mind about life, fate, etc., and your words are so well received.
You have a huge talent my friend. I especially liked:
"Fate grimaced
I saw life faced.
The ablaze Troy, the jeers, the cries
The sobs, the blame, the bluest eyes
The scarlet letter, the everlasting stain
The arms and the men in reign
The tyrant of the moor evolve
From the ashes of love’s resolve
Betray in the air slices the circle through
Everywhere the same is in conjure."
Jeannette
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