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You asked me to pray...then you died

You asked me to pray... then you died,
I can't blame you, but yet I do...
I loved you, wasn't it enough...

Didn't you care?
Didn't you hear my silent cry?
Would you rather not believe I'm in such pain?

I miss you more than words can ever say,
I wish you could've stayed a while longer.
I wonder if I haven't prayed...
Would you be still here?

I cry myself to sleep, cuz the hurt is real...
Can there ever be someone like you....
Now my days are filled with a pain I try to hide.

You asked me to pray...then you died.
So, mommy tell me what am I suppose to do.
I can't blame you, but yet I do.
You asked me to pray.... then you died.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • xeroabyss II
    September 1

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    Even knowing and accepting that somethings are coming to happen still will never let us be able to completely deal with them.
    Such are the trials and pitfalls of the everyday word though.
    We live, we die, the universe goes on, but even it will have its final moments as well.
    Great write, sad and heart pulling, but a great write.


  • HonorablyFallen silver member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is a good poem and the idea behind it is good. But I want to advise you to proof read. I read your other write too and I know most people wouldn't comment on it but it says you want constructive criticism,so here goes:
    You need to proof read before you post and check grammar .
    Poetry is poetry so your style is your style but no style should contain grammar mistakes , unless it's on purpose for effect or used in dialogue.It makes work seem careless.

    Please do these things so that your good ideas can be the best pieces of poetry they can be. Good luck and keep writing.


  • StormGoddess Greeters member
    July 3
    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry!

    Oh my gosh! This is so sad. The deep emotion felt in these words no doubt will reach everyone who reads this. Sad, but there is something beautiful here too (swish I could explain it better).

    Welcome to AP. If you have any questions or need help with anything, feel free to IM me.
    Keep expressing through writing.
    Storm
    Site Greeter


  • DramaQueen469 silver member
    July 3
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    Welcome to AllPoetry!

    Wow, what a heartbreakingly beautiful poem... this was an amazing write

    I hope that you come to enjoy this site as much as I do, and if you have any questions at all please don't hesitate to ask me!!

    Best of luck with your future writing,

    ♥ Maria
    Site Greeter ♥

1 - 6 of 6