The smoke spilled eagerly from my lips,
Only to linger along my collarbone
Like your caress;
Each breath pulling me closer
To the abandon in your smile.
Cool tendrils traced my cheekbones,
Pooling wickedly at the hollow of my throat
Before cascading down
In an easy dance
With your fingertips.
Exposing my throat alongside my intentions,
I danced rings around your head
And claimed my territory.
Stealing your very breathe with my kiss,
I left you dizzy.
In my moment of your inebriation
I left lipstick on your heart:
My own crimson brand,
Drawing wandering eyes
And wandering notions.
But the smoke spilled eagerly from your lips
Only to linger along my form
Like your caress;
Each breath pulling you deeper
Into the abandon in my smile,
And the smoke.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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very vivid
I really liked the imagery in this poem. It really pulls you into a sort of calm, cool, seductive mood with just enough tension underlying to move the story along nicely. The ending was really good to; kind of that twist you come to expect from good poetry. One word sum up: Groovy
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Promise ... sing
Given your zoological aspirations and predelictions extraordinaire the quotation
"I danced rings around your head
And claimed my territory."
one would be tempted to infer that the object of your affections is batman
Joking apart, for a free verse write this draft suggests significant potential and each stanza can be compared to each breath pulling the reader deeper into the abandon in your - preferably smokeless - smile.
Regards Jonathan (F.Z.S.)
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Excellent poetry, enjoyed this read very much.
Regards.
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Very wild lass.....
the words circle you as you read,
It really is excellent....
very captivating ,
it pulls ya right into it..
You should be proud of this.....
the end was very cool...
the last sentence gave it that lingering sense....
like smoke...
Bless your heart lass,
so fine to see ya writing,
Liam
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smokin
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you suck
as in YOU FUCKING ROCK and i hate you because you are my twin.
it is however "breath" not "breathe"
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