If I were a flute and you were a cello,
Could we play music soft, sweet and mellow?
If I were the stars and you were the moon,
Could our friendship change to love so soon?
If I were a seed and you were the land,
Could we grow together hand in hand?
If we could do all that we dream,
Would our love last, just as it seems?
Would it endure storms blown our way?
Would it strengthen as we go day by day?
If it would be so, then I know in my heart,
That I'll love you forever till death do us part.
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I love the word play! It's short and sweet and has a great message! Well written
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Whoever you made this for/about you must care for alot, and this is WELL expressed, i can feel the emotions in the writing. Also if you haven't shown them this yet, hurry up and show them, (s)he will be flattered.
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Critical Circle
Okay, I just like this. One could argue that some of the imagery is a little too often used by other poets, but it's a lovely, simple, and true piece you're written here, and I enjoyed it. It could go well, set to music.
Great; now I'm imagining this poem done as a flute and cello duet. (g) -
awww...it's so sweet...I love it personally....it's simple... not over done or undone...from one heart to another...well written and keep it up
*Blessed Be*
Lauren
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wonderful!!
I always love to read your poetry ...
I do hope you are doing well...!!
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Artistic
You successed in this very perfect piece. You use the music instrument and compare it to what you have inside. what an imagery! I congratulate you for such a romantic poem!
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Outstanding
I liked the way you used questions to strengthen your argument. I think it is difficult to write about love with out being cliched but here you did well- but then I am a romantic at heart so this kind of poem is always going to apeal to me. Thank you for posting.
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I love how you started the poem, it is a very intriguing idea and a great theme for a poem, but then the words and thoughts scatter in every direction. Each of these little fragments seems to belong to a different poem, but maybe if you build on these ideas and connect them, it would be easier to understand this piece? Also, I wouldn't recommend this type of rhyming unless you are writing in older forms. It is very simplistic and cheerful in this case, which doesn't seem to fit the message of the words. You're talking about heavier things, I would have expected a bit more depth. Good start, would love to see this developed.
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Wow. This is an absolutely incredible love poem. It is so beautifully written that I'm finding myself speechless and having a hard time coming up with things to put into this comment. Lol. Seriously though, beautiful job. I love the last two lines and I think they flow really well. "If it would be so, then I know in my heart, That I'll love you forever till death do us part." Great job!!!
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A beautiful love poem, posing the eternal question..if. I love your imagery esp. "If I were a flute and you were a cello,
Could we play music soft, sweet and mellow?" Very lovely.
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Very beautiful piece, I love how this intertwined and flowed from start to end. Your play with words is perfect. AWESOME write!!!!
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Beautiful
Certain conditions are the bases for flourishing sweet relations.They need be fulfilled.Such "If"s are very very important for fulfillment.
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The idea behind this and the invitational style in which you write it is just so charming! I love it.
I have no crits at this reading other than to lift many of the question marks. Using it once at the beginning, or at the end of them would be sufficient. That character has a way of 'cartooning' a nice write like this one.
Another insightful piece, my fellow poet!
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so very touching and such words to ponder on. I feel any woman would be beyond lucky to be with you and to be able to share what you have to share. you have so much love and you are such a charming soul, who could truly resist? stunning write.
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Thank you so much for your kind, flattering words. [Blushing]
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