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Hallow Wall Anchors

I've been chasing a ghost

he haunts my dreams and taunts those addicted to me

affirmation in silence, words are never spoken

although I hear his voice and screams  

Soft whispers in the night, the warmth of the sun by day

Cool mist in the sand, blue skies in eyes, with too many goodbyes

God, I wish the bridge would've burned on Multnomah Falls

 

Instead I've been embracing a ghost

he flaunts my needs, abducts lovers away from me

rejection is sound, a vow untorn, but unseen

I'm deaf to my voice, lost words were washed down stream

harsh winds cloud my sight, the cold from the moon

keeps me chilled at night

I'm a priceless gem worn thin

allow my single grain to blow in the wind

and wish me out of this cave I have crawled in

 

 

what do you think.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Celtess
    November 5
    Edit | Reply
    I like the mood of this piece, very forlorn and dark.


  • expandwhatyousee
    August 31
    Edit | Reply

    Cool.

    I really like how you go from day to night. It was neat. The ghost portraying you was really a cool concept too.


    • Ziola
      November 5
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for your comment, although im not the ghost. perhaps it is not made clear enough


  • Ami
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    So much emotion in this write I think we've all been there
    Personal writes have always been my favorite amazing write
    Thank you so much for entering my contest and Good luck
    -♥Amy♥


  • Beautiful-N-Broken silver member
    August 26

    Edit | Reply
    Instead I've been embracing a ghost
    it flaunts my needs, abducts lovers away from me.
    rejection is sound, a vow untorn, but unseen,
    I'm deaf to my voice, lost words was washed down stream.

    I love this part, but I think was in the last sentence should have been were. Great write! Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • Griswold silver member
    August 21

    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely written, we all have been down that road a time or two. Thank you for entering the "Fight for the Gold contest, best of luck to you in the judging... Scott


  • JorgeST
    August 21
    Edit | Reply
    sorry about the double posting

  • JorgeST
    August 21
    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    Nice job this is a good poem you reflect the emotions through your words very powerful simply great keep it up babe


  • JorgeST
    August 21
    Edit | Reply

    Great!

  • JorgeST
    August 21
    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    Nice job this is a good poem you rflect the emotions through your words very powerful simply great keep it up babe


  • Daxteriana
    August 8

    Edit | Reply
    This has unspoken emotion lurking beneath the surface. I hate it when people lead for someone they find "better" than you. I hate it so much. I'm sorry about that loss. People have different reactions. Some are left heartbroken even though they knew he/she had another person, but some regret ever meeting him/her. I understand some people are like that but I understand the ones that regret too. You can't change the past. I hope your future is a little brighter. Thanks for entering and good luck.

    Dax


  • crivanea silver member
    August 7
    Edit | Reply
    I love the second stanza..it has this tone..a voice that is just perfect...very well worded poet

  • peyote
    July 6

    Edit | Reply

    I Can Feel Your Heartache

    There's is alot of this I could relate to.You married the feeling with the words beautifully------It seems strange to say GOOD JOB when it's such a sad piece---so I'll say with admiration that I can really FEEL this piece.


  • Maxboy gold member
    July 2
    Edit | Reply
    Although sad, a very nice write girl, well done.


1 - 14 of 14