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blisters

ouch!
my sensitve skin is revealed
I popped it
I couldn't resist...
I know I shouldn't have
it was protecting me...
I'm hurting
I pushed you away
I apologize-
but you know I couldn't help it
I have my wall up
it's too strong to break
you could have been good for me
but then again...
you could have gotten under my skin
and in my head-
you could have captured my heart
but I didn't allow it.
smart?
maybe.
stupid?
maybe...
but i've got to protect what's mine.
did I like you?
yesss...
but I had to push you away.
I don't want to get next to you
I don't want to get close to you
that's why I cut myself off from you
you are my blister---
I couldn't help but make you go away.

Author notes

uhhh...sorry if you took the time to read it and it sucked...I need to practice to get better.
[not about anyone in particular]

Be honest! I want real critques not just this was great...[I like those too though^^]

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Pkwiki
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    This was interesting (I dont mean that harshly) I have been treated as a blister by someone, it hurt. I almost understood why, for a while.

    I do like it, though, I also have written poems which are a single stanza of raw thoughts as they happen. And although they dont usualy seem as powerful to others, sometimes it works.

    And this was one of those times.


  • Concrete Angel silver member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is blatant raw emotion with a great conversational quality. I like the blister as the metaphor for this person pushing the other way. My only suggestion is to maybe go into a little more depth WHY this person had to be pushed away beyond protecting what's yours. Did they have bad habits? Did they act like the care wasn't returned? Elaborate a little more to ad a little more imagery to it and it will be even better than it already is now. I would probably also remove the extra yesss to just one s and to keep it emphasized capitolize the whole word. I liked the question and answer session there in the middle "Smart? maybe. Stupid? Maybe."
    It's a great poem as it is already, just my thoughts for making it even better

  • Juno101
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    I like the idea and what you did with it. I had fun reading it and I look forward to your future poems.


  • Agromenmon
    July 3

    Edit | Reply

    cool

    Nothing wrong with that, I liked :-I have my wall up, you could have captured my heart, got to protect what's mine


  • xxxbabeguhxxx
    July 3
    Edit | Reply
    i really like it, an i see u made it a lil longer, thats a good thing...


  • Ocala Gurl14
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    it was a nice metaphor or analogy or whatever you want to call it... you just need a little more practice and you'll be on top! good job! and thanks for join the group!!!


  • ladybug.
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    Gonna agree with Jessica here; this isn't suckish! You just need to keep writing, keep practicing. We didn't get to where we are in one day.

    We're nowhere near finished either :] great poem though love ♥


  • Aquamarine.
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    its not suckish.
    you just have to practice. practice makes everything better.
    this is a good idea.
    just add imagery and try not to cut off your sentence in the middle of them... flow maybe?

    but this was a great idea, and you did reallly good.

1 - 15 of 15