Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Song for David

David, how noxious you are!
To bedazzle me with your ardent lie
David, how deceitful you are!
To feed me with your stunning guile

David, do you know how it stings
To be left barren, alone and with pain?
David, do you feel what I feel
The misery of a passionate lover still?

Agony, why do you follow me so
Has David jubilantly told you to?
Gladness, why have you forsaken me
Would you desert me till breath would run out of me?

David, I am in love with you
But have you loved me as much as i loved thee?
I am withering, nearly dying
Drowned in your lethal memory

Author notes

Prompt no. 2

A contest entry

What did you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • evershine-90
    November 21
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! this is amazing! Despite being a topic that many have written about before, the way you've penned this is beautifully original. The despair and the sadness of a lover gone can be felt in each stanza. you've made a typo at desert* . Well done and thank you for entering my contest, Best wishes

    • ArchCarXxx
      November 21
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      thank you very much and thanks for pointing out the wrong spelling. ^_^


  • Antebellum
    November 12

    Edit | Reply
    I love the last stanza. Amazing rhyme, flawless flow.
    excellent write.
    thanks for taking the time to enter.
    good luck.


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    July 12

    Edit | Reply
    Sad profound and deep are your message of words
    The love the hate the uncertain ways life has been together
    and, a great ending to finish off with
    Best wishes and thanks
    Julie