Its been so long a battle now,
our holy matrimony vow
veiled heavy in mistrust.
And acid burns from hidden worms
secreting green forgiveness storms
no longer hold the crust.
Outrageous roar from unhealed sores
that gusted genteel heart away
Into the dunes of dust...
has ousted all our yesterday’s
besotted, blind, in many way’s,
ground brilliance to rust.
Two stars once bright, in dead of night
so near and yet so far away,
In lacklustre are thrust.
What do I do about it now
this crushing moralistic shrew
will ne’er be stilled or hushed.
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Interesting Poem.
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At least let me say thank you for reading.
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A powerful poem full of imagery and emotion. A poem of regret and hopelessness, a lament, recalling the former days and what was lost. Very well written.
Dennis
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Right on the spot Dennis, We make our own wars sometimes not caring if we win or lose.
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I hate to agree with so many people, usually; but your imagery is BLOODY AMAZING, even though the theme is rather sad.
Thanks for sharing! Blessed be.
Zach -
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Oooooooo Zac I do like you.
Peace to your world.
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your descriptions were very original, while a sad story, it is one that is very common, great job communicating this.
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Thank you for calling in and commenting
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Nice Job
A well written poem outlining the pitfalls in marriage and life generally well supported by decorative imagery"Acid burns from hidden worms secreting green
forgivness storms no longer hold the crust"Quite thought provoking and profound
imagery. Keep Writing, Best Wishes...George
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Thank you George,I have enjoyed your commenting this morning, a good start to my day.
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Outstanding
I guess no marriage is ever perfect! This appealed to me because the imagery is so vivid and is written with a great deal of clarity -something a lot of poets fail to do. The rhyme is excellent and adds to the effect of the poem and isnt forced at all. Best of luck in the contest.
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Thank you for the encourageing comment. you always do them so well
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Bandit
An enjoyable read yet sad. .the mistrust + jealousy that can overtake people Liking the layout and style of this ;-) x
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Thanking you DD. It is really a common everyday problem,
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its about marriage, mistrust and raging jealousies and promises that get lost
and gobble up all the good things, it takes two to make a bond and make it work.
one crack and it is broken. -
are you calling yourself a shrew or another person? Interesting write that you have here. And I do like the background. Good luck in the contest.
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Thank you and it really is just another from poem the head rather than the heart.
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Ummmm, not sure exactly what the meaning behind this is... but it's still pretty good with the words and stuff.
keep writing and it'll get easier and better with time.
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It sounds there's not a concrete focus. Lackluster is spelled wrong there don't know if you noticed. But the wordplay is pretty good though it feels like it's just floating around. It sounds intriguting though. Keep it up.
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Intriguing, somewhat choppy yet grabs you... Words kinda float around as reading, not letting go until the end...
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My thanks to you for stopping by and reading for me.
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What a sad picture you've painted here!. Unfortunately so true all too often. After the initial shine wears off relationships can be a lot of hard work and sometimes it just doesn't go right. You've captured some intense emotion and written it with strength and style. Good luck in the contest. Loved the title it really caught my attention.
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Thank you, Life can sometimes be like that. just plain messy.
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a good piece, ah life and love, sometimes it veers from the path we envisioned and it breaks us into madness as we slip into sorrow's realms.
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Yes it is so, then we sit and wonder why.
Thank you for reading it is much apreciated
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The harsh reality of some relationships brought to light with a sharp pen. You have done an excellent job with this write. Best of luck in the contest...Alby
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Purpose written alby, It just struck a chord
and thank you,
excellent is happy mode.
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This is excellent, and quite sharply drawn. A fine description of a relationship lost over time, and what it turns one into.
Lita (PS -- you don't need any of those apostrophes; the words are all simple plurals, I think.)
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How are you Lita? thank you for the advice. I never did like apostrophies.
I am pleased you liked this though, and you really hit the spot,
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Awesome
Perfect!!!!!!!! -
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Thank you Zohan, perfect is more than perfect to me.
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a dilemma indeed...
enjoyed your thought process unfolding in this piece.
thanks for the good read!
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Thank you glad that you enjoyed reading it'
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