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Lip Synch Misery

Two shots of rum, one shot of whiskey,
Feeling kinda dumb, numb n' now im tipsy,
Headin' heaven sent, im bent like a gypsy
Oh baby please, teasin' hearts is risky.
Whoever lies, crys, dies in the mystery
of swollen sudden shock locking grace in history
Drowning out frowns before misery gets me
Two shots of rum, another of whiskey.

Drowning misery in liquor and poetry.

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • XxXNoxiousRoseXxX
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    This was great Love the flow and excellent use of meter!


  • Demonic Beauty
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    The rhythm in this piece is amazing, And im loving the rhyme. I usually don't like rhyme, So, You obviously did well with it.

    I would make a good song, if only there were more verses, and maybe a chorus.

    One thing i felt i had to mention. And i apologise for being a little picky.

    This:

    "Felling kinda dumb, numb n' now im tipsy," - Should it be "Feeling" Instead of "Felling".

    Apart from that i find nothing else to add.


    A truly lyrical write, Almost beatifully written.
    Take time on this one, it could be a great poem.

    x~Chloe~x


  • Jfd
    July 7
    Edit | Reply
    love the rhythm and flow to this, damn you can rhyme...nice job poet


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    you know..this is a good start to a song....
    truly lyrical!
    (just don't go too country on us!)
    no hound dogs or fleas-teasin ya.

    loved it!
    this could be the chorus of a great song...
    keep working ton his one...

    make it a keeper and whittle away at it adding
    more verses.....it's got a catchy tune and beat!
    ears/Seattle
    way to write poet!


  • ToXiC-AnGeL gold member
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    oh this was fantastic
    I totally loved it
    Thanks for Posting
    Enjoyed the Read


  • silverscent gold member
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this a lot. I'm not a fan of rhyming. But this sort I enjoy. When the meter is good and the rhyme's fluent it's a good write.
    Nicely done.

  • Coldwater
    July 3
    Edit | Reply
    This one is to good to miss! pleased I found it, enjoyed!
    Regards.


  • metal4ever
    July 2
    Edit | Reply
    this was pretty good, i sure as hell wouldnt be able to think of all those rhymes, great job x]


  • Lowell Poe
    July 1
    Edit | Reply
    -poor boy


  • Lowell Poe
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    You show case your talent here brother...
    definitly can be a bluse song....
    Excellent!
    Enjoy this...

    Keep on pushin
    straight ahead,
    Lowell


  • xxshootingstarsxx
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    I loved this poem- it's gurrreat! like frosted flakes
    xoxo
    stars

1 - 13 of 13