When did I lose myself?

I catch myself staring
at nothing really
just the blank walls
and the rigid ceiling.
Wondering what i am doing here
When did it come to this?
How did I lose myself?
Listening to the wind whistle.
It's as angry and confused as I am.
Not knowing which way to go
I hear the sadness in the trees.
The screams of agony inside of me
My chest tightens.
And I hold back the tears because
I am stronger than this depression.
Wondering how did I lose myself
within these four walls
I can't find me
Every fiber of my being only
wants to run and scream.
One small window, I look to escape
the sadness
One door, my way to freedom
This house. It's like a small prison.
To stay for much longer...
I need a better reason.
Every inch of my body spreads
like a wildfire
I eat because...
what else do you do
when your body craves attention
and your mind is going to waste
and your love is forever fading
and yourself you end up hating?
When did I lose myself?
I look in the mirror and I don't see me.
What happens when me hates myself
and myself hate I
and I hate me?
Where do you go from there?
I need help
Who is this person that's
staring back at me? Unheard of
unwanted, unneeded, unsafe.
Who cares about what she feels
what she thinks
what she wants
what she loves
what she needs.
She doesn't love herself
How can she love anyone else?
She's sitting in a room in a house
on a street in a town where she's
not wanted and she knows that.

I feel weak.
I feel strong.
I feel beat down
and determined.

Weak in my mind
But strong in my spirit.
Beat down by life
but determined to win.
And I will prosper.