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In The Beginning,

being alone is a choice.
Then, it's not a choice anymore.

When did it stop being a choice?
When did the butterflies stop fluttering in your presence?

What is it in me that stopped choosing you?

When did "we" become just "me"?

good? bad? indifferent?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Matthew OMeara
    October 31

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    I'd say it needs a little something between the first two lines - what changed in between choosing and accepting? The third line just repeats what the reader's asking themselves after having read the first two lines, so it kind of goes without saying. I'd say it needs more content, and subtle content at that. The questions lack subtlety, and it takes a little poetry out of the poem itself.

    For instance, the line "When did the butterflies...": I think that would be a great line to develop a little more - I would turn this into a stanza, develop the story and really draw the reader into the connection made, and how that same connection might have been lost.