Confessions of a Tainted 5 year old

the world seems so dark
i feel so alone.
you used me.
you broke me.

i'll never be the same
i'll never be what the world wants me to be.
you hurt me.
so much.

the scars you placed on my body
the pain you caused in my head
the things youve taken from me
the things i can never have back.

youre always with me now
youre always in my thoughts
why can't you leave me alone
you got what you wanted.

i trusted you
i needed you
so why did you betray me.
why did you hurt me?

i remember how you would creep into my room
and just hold me.
how your arms wrapped around me
made the world seem brighter.

but then you wanted more.
i could feel you against me
but it wasnt loving anymore
you wanted me

for your sick and disgusting use.

i couldn't say no.
i wanted to.
i wanted to scream and writhe
and beg for help.

the irony is you were
always the one to help.

but here you were
in me.
hurting me.
oh god..
it was my fault.
i must've told you this was okay.

i know you wouldn't want to hurt me
this hurts so much.
i try to tell you how much it hurts
but you hit me
hard.

stop! please
i'm begging you now
you hit me harder
you call me
a stupid bitch

please, forgive me!
i don't know what i did.
stop hurting me!

there's a moment that i remember clearly
when i thought
"please, god
kill me. take the life from my veins.
have mercy on my soul,
please don't leave me. please,
don't forget me."

and then it was over.
you stood up and spit on me
you called me dirty names.
you hit me over and over.

you told me not to tel anyone,
and i never did.

for six years you came to my bed everynight
for six years you ravaged my body
for six years i've thought it was my fault.
for six years i thought i was forgiving you.

but i'm done with all this.
i don't need you.
i don't need anyone
it wasn't my fault.
i was only 5.
Five years old and you stole my innocence
you stole my childhood.

i don't have to keep my promise.
i'm telling everyone.
because you know what?
you didn't keep yours.
you never kept me safe.
you hurt me, Dad.