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no regrets

well little chindern play war not a care in the world

little do they now they will play the real version and die

 

wile i breath in this canser slowly destroying my lungs

anouther cemo pacinte barly surive

 

the end of the eath is comeing an i....have no regrets

 

i live on the edge and go to the exteream

as i look at the kids scard of ther own skin

 

everyone is deperessed wanting to leave this suxy town but me and my friends keep the dream wer liven it now

 

and tho my father never was ther he was not a man at lest ina lil way his trying now

 

my mom who i once thought was a bitch i know i was a brat cuz shes all i got now

 

it the end of the wold an i....have regrets

 

i fell in love and she fuck my vergenaty

funny then she left me

 

i have no regrets i love the man iam

i have no regrets

 

who are you and you regret........

tell me what you think :)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Toxic Angel
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful written, but what got me was the question at the end. Who am i and what do i regret when i know i will tell.


  • VitreousSoul
    June 30

    Edit | Reply
    Good basis to get started with that is for sure. It is a nice attempt to draw the reader into your work with the final line questioning them for who they are as a person, yet sadly the poem overall is choppy. Thus negating the possible connection we have with you through your work. Don't get discouraged by any means, you have talent and your choice of a topic is an interesting one to be sure. Try settling down now that you have a rough draft and figure out what point you are really trying to make. Weather it be you appreciating the person you are today for the things you have been through. Or you having us (the reader) come to an understanding, a profound point if you will.
    After you have made up your mind go back and breathe new life into this piece. I look foreword to seeing what you come up with in the near future.