If you cut, I'll cut deeper
If you're in pain, I'm the reaper
I care for you more than myself
If you leave there's nobody else
Stop for me, stop because I said so
If I see another mark on your arms, my revenge is letting go
I'll hit a vein and you know it will be your fault
I'll rub alcohol in it, add a little salt
I'm dead serious, look at my blood shoot eyes
I've gotten no sleep, my emotions start to rise
Even if you think about it, that calls for revenges demands
I'll crumble and crumble, until my bloods on my hands
Please stop now, you're making me afraid
If you don't, my offers good as paid
If you go down, I'm going down with you
I don't value myself, where's the old girl I knew?
You came to this state with big hopes and dreams
Working at a show, you enjoy it it seems
Doing what you love, you seem to know what you want
But soon it all changed and your past came to haunt
You became distant but only I could tell
You put on the mask for everyone else
Now please, sweet rose, come to your senses
Let's count the good things, make a census
I'll say it again and I will say it as your keeper
If you cut, I'll cut deeper
My heart is racing, I shouldn't have shown you
I thought I could trust you, I thought I could console in you
I'd never wish this addiction on my dearest friend
I need you with me to the cold hard end
I don't think I can stop now, but I will try
I'll do it for you because for you I would die
I don't value myself but you're such a good person
But I just can't discard the past as done
You don't know my pain as I try to go to sleep
You've never felt my hurt, you've never heard me weep
I'll stop because I love you more than myself
I can't keep it in secret, you'd always find out
I'd hate to think I'm hurting anyone
I'll push my feelings aside, from myself I will run
I'll say it again and I'll say it though I'm blackmailed
I can't bear the thought if because of me you have failed
A year and a half later, I've moved away
But even though I left, your words always stay
I pick up the razor and put it quickly down
To cut would be betray, my guilt starts to abound
I didn't stop for me, the reasons are still there
It hangs around me, it infiltrates my air
A cutter is still a cutter when she hasn't really changed
A sinner is still a sinner though the sin can be tainted
I wish you could see that you haven't really helped
You've just made me worry, anxiety developed
If I could see you now, guess what I would say
Your perfect revenge has made me pay
Author notes
I wrote this of an experience of someone very close to me. <3
1
Best rhyme.
J e n n y R o s e
In a list
A contest entry
- Make God Hide In Fear by WideEyedSuicide.
400 points, ended July 24, 27 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best poem of the Month (for my favorites only) by xXGoddessofPainXx.
400 points, ended July 12, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Dark Poems! by LonelyAngel.
550 points, ended July 14, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING GOES!! by LonelyAngel.
600 points, ended August 27, 81 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites, Im crazy. by Menna.
1100 points, ended August 30, 264 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes! by Karra-Mayy.
1600 points, ended November 21, 316 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - One of Those Moods by LullabyOfADeadMan.
400 points, ended October 17, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LOOKING FOR WRITES ON LOST LOVE by kaylalala.
400 points, ended October 27, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nevermore . . . (Dark and emotional prewrites contest) by BrokenGlassRose.
800 points, ended November 10, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - && There's no one else to blame; But yourself ♥ by IncompleteLullaby.
460 points, ended November 21, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want EMOTION by fashionfreak.
470 points, ended December 2, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 68 of 68
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Thanks for the entry.
Great write.
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Amazing
i loved it
welcome to the finalist list -
so emotional and i can totally relate to what you're saying in this piece. Though I'm not a fan of rhyme you did a tremendous job with making it flow and not seem strained. Very good job.
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Absolutely perfect for my contest. Once I started reading, I didn't want to stop. Some people have a hard time ending poems...but you did it perfectly.
The only thing I'll complain about is that perhaps breaking it up more would make it easier to read? Of course you snatch the readers attention, but the words bunched together can be hard to read. I understand why you did it though and you can keep it just the way it is and it'll still be perfect.
Thank you for the great entry....good luck.
~~Tay Christine. -
This is truly captivating. I enjoyed the rhythm and pace which fitted so well with the story you toldi really enjoyed the read.
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I think you wrote that better than I could.
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this is amazing!!!
i loved it very much
its amazing!!!
Fave Part:
If you cut, I'll cut deeper
If you're in pain, I'm the reaper
I care for you more than myself
If you leave there's nobody else
Stop for me, stop because I said so
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Congrats on the gold
for Anything Goes...a good write, solid rhyme and very emotional. Good work poet.
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THE CATCH IS IT CAN ONLY HAVE WON ONE GOLD
THE SECOND CATCH IS IT CAN OPNLY BE ENTERED IN THIS CONTEST AND NO OTHERS AT THE TIME OF JUDGING
nice poem but we got to go bu the rules
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This was a really beautiful, really emtional poem. Thank you for entering, and, good luck.
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beautiful write!!!!
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wow... almost made me cry, thank-you so much.
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This is so real, intense, vivid, and true. I love the emotions and strength in it. Great job!!
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Mate, this piece was sure filled with a lot of intense emotion and reading it gave me a lot of insight into the distress that some people feel with this. Cutting, emo's, whatever people wish to label , I personally found it quite sad. sometimes friendships can fall by the wayside and tumble out of control. Others just endure with the deep care one feels. I have read many poems about ones feeling over time but this one had so much to say. I can understand one wanting to stand by a friend by doing what makes them happy, but then you realize that you are the one who is left with the sorrow afterwards and they had walked away. Thank you so much for sharing.
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"A cutter is still a cutter when she hasn't really changed
A sinner is still a sinner though the sin can be tainted"
That part really amazed me...The whole beginning was very powerful also. I really enjoyed reading this piece. Thank you so very much for taking the time to enter my contest and good luck to you!!!
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Excellent
For one to hurt them self for some one else is certainly not the right thing to do. People will do as they want leaving you with the scars and disgrace. No one is worth giving up your own life. Life is precious, God gives it and only He should take it back.
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I think the rhyme takes away from your piece rather than adds to it, however your imagery is incredibly emotional and this adds to the piece.
however, overall i'm going to say no.
♥ -
i give you an A+ great job
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The first stanza is all that i think is needed, it's bloodthirsy lust grabbing out in the dark to slam relisation into our jowls as we howl for revenge. I don't like the second stnza as much, it seems to be put there just to join the first and the third but, though it is just a bridge it seems appropiate to the poem.
I am being critiqual to you because I know you can take it.
The third stanza leaves me awestruck, firstly because it finishes so neatly when i expected blood guts and gore, secondly because it's ended. It's simple and it's delicate but non the less it leaves a large impact on my membrain.
Best of luck in all the contests,
Gorecki. -
I enjoyed, sorry this is my second comment! You entered this in my 'Dark Writes' contest too. None the less I love it, the rhyme scheme is truely enhancing and you seem to be truely tallented at dark writes, well done and good luck.
xYx -
Wow, that's full of a lot of emotion
The repetition of "If you cut, I'll cut deeper" throughout the poem really gets the message across, and keeps a constant idea in a lengthy piece full of so many ideas.
I particularly liked ~
"A year and a half later, I've moved away
But even though I left, your words always stay"
~ Because lines like these are so much more mellow than the unhappiness that resonates in this piece, and creates a good contrast
Thank you for entering, and good luck x -
no.
The rhyme is forced, and it doesn't really add to the poem. it was too cliche for me, , but it could have potential. -
I really liek this soooo relateable and very true, I'm glad your friend had a good impact on you! Good write thank youf or entering!
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i wondered what was making it long...
anyways. pretty. not got much depth, but good. i suggest you kill the rhyme. it doesnt add, only takes away; i'm constantly trying to not flinch.
good piece though. -
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And I'm not changing this entire poem to conform to your likings.
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You don't have to be rude.
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the first comment was about the contests, and entirely unnecessary. that i'll admit.
i wasn't being rude, i did say it was a good piece. and i do not expect you to change it. it is your piece. its a good piece, i dont like the rhyme.
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This is a very good poem. very deep and full of emotion
thank you so much for entering my contest
and the best of luck to you
-Vintage -
You really should have read the rules. You FAIL. Get the hell out of my contest.
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Great
This poem shows emotion that I personally have not felt. I love the first few lines and how it goes from anger to sorrow. This poem is touching and deep and I cannot really find anything to critisise.
Well done, best of luck,
xYx -
No
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flows as it goes awesome poem best one i saw today fantastic job and good luck
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Woah. this was really good! i loved it!
just..WOW! it left me speechless! it was just...holy crap! i loved i! amazing emotions. keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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stunning, gripping honest write, thank you for entering
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Wow indeed
This is a really and truly impressive poem. It's got an amazing rhyme and a brilliant flow rhythm. I think the piece is so special and shows you care for that person whomsoever it may be. I really enjoyed this piece and thank you so much for entering -
This is a pretty amazing write...I really like the first few lines.
"If you cut, I'll cut deeper
If you're in pain, I'm the reaper"
Beautiful! Thank you so much for your entry and good luck!
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Wow, excellent write, I love it, few errors but i's fine..
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awww another cutter, I wish they would stop it and value themselves.... Dont let the devil win...
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this is very relatable. My favorite part is the beginning. Its so perfect the way you started it. the last line really wrapped the poem up brilliantly.
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Wow. This one really touched me. I have a friend who struggles with cutting. My roommate used to, and my dear, sweet cousin used to as well. I had no idea about my cousin, but thank God Almighty, she's better now.
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A year and a half later, I've moved away
But even though I left, your words always stay
I pick up the razor and put it quickly down
To cut would be betray, my guilt starts to abound
I didn't stop for me, the reasons are still there
It hangs around me, it infiltrates my air
A cutter is still a cutter when she hasn't really changed
A sinner is still a sinner though the sin can be tainted
I wish you could see that you haven't really helped
You've just made me worry, anxiety developed
If I could see you now, guess what I would say
Your perfect revenge has made me pay
Awesome talent here.
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wow.
This is amazing.
I almost started crying(:
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i dnt wanna stop reading!!
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splendid!
i really like this one! i can relate. my friends are like this. if my bf cut i would feel the same way. i would give my life for him because i value him over myself as well, but i know that life isn't something to just give up on. i would give my life for him, but not for silly reasons. if he cut my sole goal would be to right his wrongs and help him, but of the two of us i'd be more likely to cut... he told me not to in a really serious tone (which startled me because he usually doesn't take much serious) so i promised him that i wouldn't. but like i said before, this is a beautiful poem and i can definitely relate. i love the raw emotion behind it. it's beautiful! i think it's the best u've written so far (that i've seen). it's great! it almost made me cry...
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This is really really deep, but I can relate. I have people in my life just like this. A lot of people do. I hate that these are your personal experiences, but you've penned them extremely well :/
Safely hidden in the darkness,
~ The Rocker Who Lost All -
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Yes, this is about me but I asked my friend why she stopped cutting and she told me the first line of this poem.
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No, I meant this ISN'T about me.
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Amazing
I know this feeling! To not cut to not tear at the skin for ones own failures knowing that in the summation of things you are a negative but unable to pay the penance because someone has asked of you not to, I love this poem!!
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Very well Written
very sting emotions i like that
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Can relate
Your style of writing really brings the emotion out.Excellent job!
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My, My, My...
This is something I can relate to very well. Very well indeed. I have been in this position. I still am. I find this poem more sweet than twisted, but still it is well written and so filled with emotion that I can taste it on my tongue. Very well done.
"You don't know my pain as I try to go to sleep
You've never felt my hurt, you've never heard me weep
I'll stop because I love you more than myself
I can't keep it in secret, you'd always find out
I'd hate to think I'm hurting anyone
I'll push my feelings aside, from myself I will run
I'll say it again and I'll say it though I'm blackmailed
I can't bear the thought if because of me you have failed"
These lines in particular were very strong.
Thank you for your entry and good luck to you,
~Raven
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Wow
Been there babe. So much emotion, so much to convey here. You did a great job girl.
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i was hooked to the end
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There is no right way, but the poem is amazing. So powerful and frank, the emotion floods through this poem, making it even more hard hitting.
I love it. Absolutely touching, and incredibly beautiful.
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Wow
I really like this piece!!!
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Hey
alsome write Keep da ink flowing loved the way it was written and done well expressed
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wow. i like this peice.
coming from an ex cutter, you did a good job. -
WOW!!!
that was my favorite poem by you to date. i could feel the emotions and i could sense your pain. it had nice imagery and i loved reading it. very well written. keep writing.
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I hate to take Revenge.. but Yes, I pick one thing from those who hurts me.. and which Cause them Extreme Death .. it's not my fault
good write
by
the poet of hearts and beautiful words
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this is really good its so sad...i like it ur very talented..
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wow thoughts
who puts them there
I don't believe it's the cutter
I know you were not writing about yourself young lady,
but cutting is the outcome of feeding a thought
it is very deceptive and sad, it is a false response to pain but it contradicts itself and creates more of deceptions
beautifully written
truly sad
God bless you my friend...
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this is pretty good. I like how you wrote it... keep up your good work and best of luck in all the contests.
TwiztidMaggot -
I wish this cutting trend had never come about.
Good job expressing yourself here.
Be Well
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Imagery to the Senses...
Bringing a dark side to the emotions that come with love...and the twisted thoughts it brings from our soul...
Wow--The flow, rhyming--Very Nice!
M
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This is wonderfully written. It took alot to write so much. You really brought me into this world, and it made me feel how you feel. I can't say it any better than that. Good Job!
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Emotive Masterpiece
So many emotions and it is very spritual. I love it!
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nicely penned! it's full of emotion.. you surely got a talent in writing.. keep it up! thanks for sharing
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omg sweetpea this is amazing..i dont know whgy i called you sweet pea... experience always gets more out of us. this is brilliant and i really loved it. alot of emotion and alot of imagery. amazing! fantastic!
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