As the darkness closes in, it’s harder to see the light
Even easier to give in, no strength left to fight
Not wanting to die, but not wanting to awake
A contradiction in itself, perhaps a mistake
I’m drowning in the shadows, can’t find my breath
Engulfed by thoughts of the end, perhaps even death
Unsure of tomorrow, does it even exist?
How do I allow these thoughts to even persist?
I cry until the tears have dried my very soul
I scream until I have lost every ounce of control
I sleep but am unable to feel at rest
I fake a smile, but deep inside I’m depressed
A clouded mind, no thoughts making sense
Ideas destroyed, my future growing tense
And so I fall into a spiral of self-doubt
Hopelessly I try to crawl my way out
The light is out of my grasp, truly vanished
Leaving me in hell, where I am forever banished
The darkness wins, defeated, I close my eyes
And for one last time, I pray to see sunrise
A contest entry
- life.....how miserable by Violent Glass.
496 points, ended September 18, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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this is amazing, i know how this feels all too well, and you explian it is amazing.
i love this, thanks for sharing with me!
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wow
what a brilliant piece of poetry, i feel the deep emotions and the most powerful imagery this brings, thought provoking and very enjoyable read. you wrote this piece so well, there is not a thing that can be changed to make it any better. you have done a marvellous job here and i am glad i read this piece today, thanks so much for sharing this one and keep up the good work.
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WOW
This poem is so fantastic! I love the 1st stanza and i love everything after it! It is right up my alley in terms of the content and the way in which you delivered it .. SUPERB. I love this poem. Automatic favorite. You are a real talent. I can't say enough. Congrats on amazing work
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Excellent writing daughter
Makes me kinda sad though. I think I liked the happy ones a little better. Writing = mood for you though. Hugs.
Love ya more,
Dad
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Almost Flawless!
Brilliant!
I thought it was great, I just saw a little line I didn't like and a rhyme that kind of breaks the flow. But I see the point in sacrifacing that for emotion though. ^__^
What I saw in here wasn't a cry for help at all, I saw alot of doubt though, not pessimisstic doubt though, it has some hope. It's not really asking anyone for help, just a simple prayer.
Another thing I found interesting was the imagery, metaphors and the rhyming. The rhyming was almost flawless! It had great flow and rhythm, I only saw one break in the chain. ^__^ (Which was what I mentioned earlier, but the emotion it gives justifies it's breaking of the flow.)
All and all, it was very good. It asks alot of questions and stirrs thoughts into the reader's brain, it's well done and you can feel the emotion your trying to evoke into another's heart with emotion, and into the mind with the imagery. ^__^ Deadly, tactic, awesome combination. ^__^
I hope everything goes well for you my friend.
-Cyril Huntinghawk
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