sometimes goodbye is a second chance.

dear juana,


i know how you feel;




attempting to swerve around rusty nails and bargaining with your
reflection every morning when you face yourself in the mirror. maybe
mascara collides with our eyelashes so well so our eyes become more
vibrant to people around us, and hide the shades of gray that they
really endeavor. but if you could see that beauty is evaporated with
every word you pen and every emotion you feel, you would see that
the world may walk all over you when you dream about perfection,
but it will never break your skin deep enough to penetrate your heart.




i've been wondering about life a lot lately. why we wear our heart
on our sleeves and talk in cliches. maybe because we desire to put
ourselves in the shoes of a hollywood romance, to feel luxury at the
tips of our fingers. and though i may have felt bliss with him when
my limbs were vulnerable and my guard was down, i peeled apart my
eyelids just to understand that i couldn't allow him to let me down
again. and in the conversations you and i have had, we've both been
creating delusional atmospheres and falling in and out of love for all
the wrong reasons.




there may be barriers, and there may be boulders that seem
impossible to shove out of your way, but it's completely inevitable
that emotions grip your heart strings and tug at them when you
least expect it. you're talented and convey situations in poetic
vowels that absolutely astound me. i hope you know that, theoretically,
i'm always here to listen to any confusions you might have. and
though you may be falling apart in between unspoken confrontations
and lingering underneath polka-dot umbrellas, in the end, things
work out in your favor, even when it seems as if it doesn't.




you will never be less than okay.




love,
amanda.