found is the key
to sway time open,
when eyes stir in gloom's lashes
and sight innocently rests
in pirouettes of spinning earth...
where shooting stars puncture wishes
as lids close to day’s respite.
oh no, you will not be conquered as you think~
but rise in sleep,
breathing in darkness like liquid candy
to sweeten the victory...
for death doesn’t hide in fear,
but walks into the light
holding her hand as she dances
in circles around us.
Author notes
7."Gingerbread Coffin"- Rasputina
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzfSpkCYMTM
30-100 words (79 words)
In a list
A contest entry
- "Let me control you" quickie by white stone.
875 points, ended June 30, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Great word choices. Your meaning was clear if time was taken in reading for it and not just the rythmn of the words. I find myself doing that sometimes and have to go back and read for honest consumption of the write. Am I rambling again? LOL I am on medication and feel very surreal so if I make no sense just ignore me. Most people do that when I'm NOT on meds. hehehe
Seriously, I like this write. The dark is not so dark there is no light, but it does hinder it a bit. Keep penning. (I like the face on this page. It goes well with the write)
Sharon
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i just put a new pic up... and it changed faster than normal. lol
thanks.
and you make perfect sense, but ya, i'm a rambler and the most meds i take right now is tylenol. thank you
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Well, I have bronchitis and pleurisy so they have me on lortab so I won't stop coughing until all the stuff is cleared up. But I don't take them all that often. As a nurse, I'm very against unnecessary drugs.
I still think the pic is cool.
Sharon
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I like this, has some wonderful ideas, expressive words, and a tinge of Dark style, I agree...enjoyed this...Thanks..PK
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thank you
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I wanted to sigh at the end of this, so utterly beautiful. You are a true talent of this site. Well done and Congratulations on your silver
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you don't know how much that means coming from you. thank you so much
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Another superb piece, beautifully written, moving...Congrats on the silver
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great poem here. Nice and dark.congrats on the silver. I love it.
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thank you so much for coming by... i always love seeing a new face
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Such a dark write. outstanding. This blows me away Your thoughts and imagination are wonderfull.I am so impressed. Keep up the good work.
John.
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the prompt was very dark, and so i had to spin a dark one out here thank you for reading and leaving me your comment, john.
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Excellent take on the song! I like the way you put your own spin on it. Making it your own so it can stand on its own.
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thank you so much for coming by again, and the lovely comment
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You just spray words and thoughts into such exquisite form and imagery.
"where shooting stars puncture wishes"
"breathing in darkness like liquid candy
to sweeten the victory..."
My tongue simply celebrates everytime I read you.. I could honestly read this over and over again. (No hidden metaphor there either)
Once again you fascinate and excite.. and I am left smiling.
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once again, YOU excite me to continue writing with your comment and support. thank you so much
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Whew! That's ome writing and you only won the silver... read like a piece of gold to me! That first stanza could stand on its own. I love all the images and ideas that knock the reader off his/her feet. Really a wonderful piece of work.
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thank you.
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Congratrulations on the Silver Cup!!
I love this piece, and wish you all the best!! Peace, xx Cyn 
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thank you, cyn
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Grr.. I'm at work and can't go to youtube. I will say this, even though I can't see the prompt... the last stanza is so dreamlike for such an intense prompt. You can take the darkest things and put your spin on them that just screams 'you' a mile away
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the prompt was tough for me, and i guess even when i want to write dark, there is something in me that softens it.. i hate that! what is my problem... i need to work on that. lol
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LOL! Because your heart is true and sweet... leave it the way it is
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well.. at this point, i dont think that is changing, obviously, even if i COULD. i guess its ingrained. jeesh!
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A sweet dark write. You capture the moment we all must go through, our dance with death, yet soften the sting of death's bite. Good write.
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What a wonderful mixture of words this is my dear.
You have somehow pulled off a dark write, yet written it in such a way that it has the feel of sweet inticement softly entracing the reader...
amazing... simply amazing!
I can see why this took a well deserved trophy and I congratulate you on it, well done dear... well done!
Huge Hugs
Suzi
P.S - Have I bugged you lately about that file?
Still waiting to hear if it has been opened yet,
I was serious about that fact, I'm not going to
let you slide through life without doing it, I
honestly believe in you!
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you always ALWAYS give me confidence if i begin to doubt myself in the least way. thank you, suzi.
i dont feel as comfortable with quickies, but im trying to get there. it's a little weird since i can be a risk taker, but quickies for some reason make me nervous. lol. but im not one to steer away from difficulties... i like to overcome them if i can.
thank you SO much as always.
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aw this is lovely
holding her hand as she dances
in circles around us.
very very pretty
Lovely job
Emma
PS congrats on the silver
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thanks, emma
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ohhhhhh. What a finalé. That final verse is a cracker. Well done on the Silver!
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ty
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you are insanely talented...you blow me away
awesome job with this one sweets
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you know your comment means alot to me. thank you, matt
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Liquid candy to sweeten the victory.. wow. Nice work, best of luck!
Cyb -
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thank you
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Yeah, girl... you rocked it hard. Softened it up and polished the edges... keeping it dark... yet sweet.
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