As jagged lightning rises out of the darkness
Revealed and enhanced by the fire,
Thunder whispers a promise
The wind rises higher
A powerful gust sweeps the valley
In a spirit of great deering-do,
It stirs the petals of the blossom
Warm and wet from the sun and dew
The fire dances with wild abandon
Through the sky in frenzied delight,
And unveiling the mouth of a cavern
Reclaims it from the deep shade of night
Now the sound of distant thunder
Rises above the cry of the wind,
As it rolls along the valley
Light conquers the darkness again
With a low triumphant rumble
The thunder finally stills
The hungry earth;
Welcomes the thirsty raindrops
As dawn breaks over the hills
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Beautiful poem, Sis! I love thunderstorms! When I was a kid, I loved climbing up to the roof of the apartment we lived in so I could watch thunderstorms in the distance. I wish I had a good vantage point where I live now. I miss the view!
Best of Luck in this contest!
zzz
Love Ya!
♥ Maureen
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Beautifully Inspirational!!
Thank you for sharing!!
peace & hugs,
Cyn
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This is incredible! I was enthralled in the middle
of this storm. This lines are so awesome:
The fire dances with wild abandon
Through the sky in frenzied delight,
And unveiling the mouth of a cavern
Reclaims it from the deep shade of night
Well done and best of luck! Jeannie
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Wow~
Now this is some imagery
Oy~~~When we get thunder-
it sounds like the heavens are farting big time
and scares the bejesus out of everybody
but I Love Your interpretation~ Yep!! Love it
and the thirsty raindrops...-takes out cup-Yep
I could use some
Excellent Sis!!!
Thank You for sharing Your Talent
Best wishes in the contest Beautiful
with love & light~ Desire~*~
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excellent!
Your words capture the summer storms so well. They can get really loud, but you are right about the earth needing the rain.
Rhyming is excellent Sis!
Good luck in this contest!
Jeannette 
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I love thunderstorms and your poem has made me wish for one to occur even though this was the first sunshine day in over a week. LOL
I love the quenched feel of the last stanza. Nature is quite beautiful in your words, and it is breathtaking.
Much Love Always ♥
Renee
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Wow, stunning piece hun!
I love the imagery here, and great flow.
Bravo
♥ Kate
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Nicely done...
I've read your mentor's comments so I need not add mine. The write does not need much to take it from wonderful to outstanding.
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oh this is nice to see in imingery,visually it can be eerie,but do like this in reading, thank you for this entry
good luck
Linda
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another nature piece that you have done much justice to. the words convey what the image needs to say and does so very vividly.it flows smooth and with rhymthm. very well done as usual.
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A stunning piece you have done here. Electrical storms are magnificent and you have worded it to bring about that same excitement. Sheila
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Aw, beautiful write, sis. Full of wonderful imagery. Nice job...Best of luck in the contest.
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Breathtaking!
Absolutely breathtaking poem you've written here. I absolutely love storms. Adore them actually. It's been to long since we've had one here in the part of Cali were I live. I remember them though. I'll never forget once as a little girl I was at my grandmothers house with my then best friend (we've since lost touch) eating homemade popsicles made from frozen pudding. We watched as the lightning came straight from the clouds and struck the ground over and over again, mostly in the same spot. Also my grandma told us to throw the popsicle sticks outside in the rain, and every time we did the pouring rain would come down harder and harder. My grandma told us that by throwing the sticks outside, we controlled the rain. I'll never forget that magical day with her. It is one of the best memories I have of her. Now every time it thunders and lightnings my nose is glued to the window watching in wonder. I even sleep better when it's raining. Storms are one of natures most beautiful things to me.
~Amanda~
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Ah, I love thunderstorms - especially if they come to break a humid day and night! We had a powerful one here a few years ago, which turned the far hills across the water gold! I can't help but look out of the window when the thunder begins, the rains burst, and the sky falls! Enlivens me much! I felt the poem would be more powerful still, if you sought to omit some of the excess words like "the" in some areas, and perhaps sometimes an "and" here or there too - it'd bring your imagery more prominently out of the lines, to the reader. I've made a few other suggestions below, which are nothing major, just little things you can consider if you fancy:
"The fire dances with wild abandon" ... in this line, if you fancy a little alliteration, you could remove "abandon" and weave-in "furore" instead.
One suggestion for the rhyme:
IF you want to end the poem with a bit of rhyme, and keep the metre intact, you could alter the following: "The thunder at last is stilled" ...TO: "The thunder finally stills" (stills/hills)
"The hungry earth welcomes the raindrops" ... thought "thirsty" might work better here, firstly because rain is a fluid rather than a solid food, secondly because you use words such as "the", "thunder" etc., another "th"-word could strengthen the alliteration again.
Electric stuff Susan, thanks for leading me here today x
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This piece leaps off the page, dramatically,
as if you were reading aloud to us,
describing the power of a scene surrounding you,
so immediate, the feeling you convey.
Outstanding, dear Susan!
M-C
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aw sis this is very beautiful I love your imagery throughout good luck inthe contestmaralisa
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This is a beautiful poem filled with lots of imagery. I love storms and you really brought this one to life. Thanks for sharing sis.
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Love the imagery! It's funny because as I read this wonderful poem, I hear Thunder rolling in the background here in South Florida. This is the season for rain here and we hear it most every day.
Love,
Amera♥
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What a beautiful write girl, you have really put some awesome words together here.
Beautiful Work Sis....Best wishes in the contest
Bro
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I love the ideas presented here. For example, the thought of thunder whispering ... and wind dancing. Also the phrase derring-do. I haven't heard that in ages. Wonderful.
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Love the storm poem!~
Oh, every line is a beauty with drama that only nature can do best. Very fine writing, dear Sis. You can be proud of this one for sure!
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oh I like
kill to have written these lines
The fire dances with wild abandon
Through the sky in frenzied delight
And unveiling the mouth of a cavern
Reclaims it from the deep shade of night
the on;y phrase I would play with is darring-do, seems to flippant fpr the tone of the write
try another word may be
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is it darring do or deering due
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Excellent
What a great write for the picture. A wonderful creation. Best of luck in the contest.
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