I'm Not Crazy

How were you born if not from your mother?
My dad is very special and I came out of his ear.

Close your eyes and tell me what you see!
I would, but I don’t have any eyelids, I’m a snake

If all the churches disappeared where would you spend Sundays?
I’d spend my Sundays like my Thursdays. I would go out to a swamp with my bikini on and tan.

Your first born child has just been born and it has the head of a crocodile, explain!
A Thursday a while back, I was wearing a very flattering bikini at the swamp, and the crocodile jumped me.

You have just invented a new breakfast food, unlike anything we have seen before... describe it!

I would describe it if I could, but it’s invisible because it surpasses all levels of food, and is therefore the God of food, thus being invisible.

Tell me why you hate me (remember you are telling a lie.. lay it on me).
You came into my garden out of rage and stole all my monkeys and my grandma (who got you mad in the first place by feeding you an expired pie). Then you proceeded to feed BANANAS to the MONKEYS. Seriously!? You are a walking mental disorder.

Why do you lie? ( again... remember you are telling a lie so be creative)
I lie because since I am the centre of the world, whatever I do makes the world go round. Since I can’t move because I’m so round (since I AM the world), all I can do is talk. And from an early age, I was trained in the art of deception by my Sensei – Michael Jackson.

You caught your neighbour sleeping with your spouse... what do you do? ( you must lie... lol)
After joining them, I realised that my neighbour and my spouse would make a cuter couple. I wished them luck, and then I went to the grave of my sensei to pray for a better spouse, then a U-Haul truck came after 3-4 business days with my real soul mate.

If one plus one equals two, why aren't all married couples having twins?
We all have twins, but the FBI takes 98% of the twins to colonize the dark side of the moon.

Tell me who is the worst poet on Allpoetry and why?

YOU are because I hate you with a passion. And all your poems don’t make any sense at all. You and your TVS and SHOWERING. I mean, who showers? I just take dip in the swamp and I’m fine for whole week. It’s like a spa treatment. You go in the swamp, get a mud bath, a seaweed wrap, and it’s all FREE!