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Lucky

Every time you buy a new pack of cigarettes, you take one out, flip it over,
and slide it back into the pack upside-down.

Tonight, I couldn't help but stare
as you slid that last cigarette between your James Dean Lips.

"Why do you always do that?"

You tightened up your lips, inhaled deeply,
and answered me without even taking the cigarette from your mouth.
"Why do I do what?"
Smoke spiralled from your nostrils, reminding me of a dragon.

I tucked a strand of too-short blonde hair behind my ear.
"Why do you always turn one cigarette upside-down?"

Your eyebrows twitched downward,
as if you were trying to blink, but couldn't.

You do that a lot.

"That's my lucky cigarette."

"Your lucky cigarette?" I echoed.
Awkwardly, I crossed, then uncrossed my legs.
"Well, does it work?"

You drew your eyebrows together and squinted as you savored one last, long drag.
"Of course it works."

Deftly, you flicked the butt of your cigarette out into the night.
I traced the trail of the cherry as it drew an arc through the darkness.
When I looked back, you were staring intently at my face.
"Of course it works," You repeated.





"I found you, didn't I?"














Author notes

t a b b y c a t

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Charity Ann
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic! This is good stuff...it's vintage Tabby...so simple and clear. Each word seems carefully chosen, but at the same time, it sounds so natural as if you were sitting here on my couch with me repeating the story. Very nice! I like.

  • This is so amazing. You did a wonderful job with such a simple moment. I know those moments. They would only mean something to someone else who has lived them. Stunning stuff here.

  • that's so cuuuute
    everybody always does that lucky cigarette thing
    but i never got into the habit.

    this was written beautifully.
    i loved how i felt like i was there.
    <3


  • Jeri gold member
    June 30

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!!!

    I love this. You show a lot of talent here. A different type of write. Such a cool read.
    Peace be with you
    Jeri


  • emma...
    June 30
    Edit | Reply
    Aww, the ending is so sweet! Loved it.


  • venomoustoad
    June 30

    Edit | Reply
    I wish I could be as Janes Dean cool as the guy in this poem. I like the way you take a slice of life and make a poem out of it.

  • HollyLouise
    June 30

    Edit | Reply
    I like the dialogue in this. Maybe the other lines could be made a bit more powerful, but overall it's good.
    Please put your username in your AN spaced out like this: H o l l y L o u i s e
    It was in the rules on the contest.

    Holly.

  • fillurhands
    June 30

    Edit | Reply
    This piece would actually make an excellent movie scene or even a scene in a play. Try reading the dialogue portions alone and let your imagination do the rest. I enjoyed it very much.

  • FierceD
    June 30
    Edit | Reply
    I was actually lookin forward to find a concept like this

  • niice

    I really enjoyed reading this! nice work and cute ending keep writing


  • attack110
    June 29
    Edit | Reply

  • etoile
    June 29
    Edit | Reply
    aww I love this
    <3

  • Aww I really like this(: This is very good and I really love it. I think its nice how your started and kept it like. Flows well ^.^. Anyway, nice write.

  • Wow! I love this! Romantic in a different kind of way.

1 - 14 of 14