Every time you buy cigarettes,
you take one out, flip it over
and slide it back into the pack,
upside-down.
Tonight, I couldn't help but stare at that last cigarette
as it dangled from your unmistakably
James-Dean lips.
I started to kick my feet, then stopped,
feeling strangely like a school girl.
"Why do you always do that?" I asked.
You tightened your lips, inhaled deeply, and answered
without even taking the cigarette from your mouth.
"Why do I always do what?"
Smoke spiraled from your nostrils, reminding me of a dragon.
I tucked a strand of too-short blond hair behind my ear and stuttered,
"Wh--Why do you always turn that one cigarette upside-down?"
"Oh that." You replied, and your eyebrows twitched,
as if you were trying to blink, but couldn't.
You do that a lot.
"That's my lucky cigarette."
"Your lucky cigarette?" I echoed,
awkwardly crossing, then uncrossing my legs. "Well, does it work?"
You drew your eyebrows together and squinted as you savored one last, long drag.
"Of course it works."
Deftly, you flicked the butt of your cigarette out into the night.
I traced the trail of the cherry as it drew an arc through the darkness.
When I looked back at your fog-grey eyes,
they were staring intently into mine.
"Of course it works." You repeated.
"I found you, didn't I?"
A contest entry
- The world's not beautiful now I forgot how to fly. by HollyLouise.
400 points, ended July 2, 2009, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I liked this, it kept my attention the whole way through. Personally I would delete the word 'unmistakably' though. I liked the story and how you created the atmosphere of the scene. Well done...Alby
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I love the sense of narrative running through the piece. the converstaional style is really endearing, i wanted to read on. Some great cultural references, well done!
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Oh my gosh this is amazing. It is so sweet and unique-I love unique love stories and this completely fits the bill. It is a unique love story and a good one too! This idea is so original and interesting and I was so glad to read it! So sweet!
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that was adorable
The narration was perfect and and I absolutely adore the last line.. It may sound cliche but everything else was unique and I love the idea of a "lucky cigarette".. This was utterly romantic in a cute way.. The kind of poem/story that pulls at your heartstrings.. It started really random and I like how the descriptions are really vivid.. It was as if I could see every thing happen with my own eyes..
I heart you to pieces because you are an awesome writer/poet and since this is the first piece on this site that made me feel nice and warm and fuzzy inside!
Enough said and much love,
~tiara♥ -
Cute story. Loved the ending.
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Terrific story. The bad boy scaring the ell outta u while he melts u too. Makes u want to know what happens next.
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oh, that was horribly sweet. i felt the awkwardness and the squirmy feeling you must have had. i think this was some great self expression. and i really appreciate that. good stuff.
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Fantastic! This is good stuff...it's vintage Tabby...so simple and clear. Each word seems carefully chosen, but at the same time, it sounds so natural as if you were sitting here on my couch with me repeating the story. Very nice! I like.
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This is so amazing. You did a wonderful job with such a simple moment. I know those moments. They would only mean something to someone else who has lived them. Stunning stuff here.
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that's so cuuuute
everybody always does that lucky cigarette thing
but i never got into the habit.
this was written beautifully.
i loved how i felt like i was there.
<3
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Excellent!!!
I love this. You show a lot of talent here. A different type of write. Such a cool read.
Peace be with you
Jeri
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Aww, the ending is so sweet! Loved it.
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I wish I could be as Janes Dean cool as the guy in this poem. I like the way you take a slice of life and make a poem out of it.
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I like the dialogue in this. Maybe the other lines could be made a bit more powerful, but overall it's good.
Please put your username in your AN spaced out like this: H o l l y L o u i s e
It was in the rules on the contest.
Holly. -
This piece would actually make an excellent movie scene or even a scene in a play. Try reading the dialogue portions alone and let your imagination do the rest. I enjoyed it very much.
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I was actually lookin forward to find a concept like this
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niice
I really enjoyed reading this! nice work and cute ending keep writing
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aww I love this
<3
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Aww I really like this(: This is very good and I really love it. I think its nice how your started and kept it like. Flows well ^.^. Anyway, nice write.
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Wow! I love this! Romantic in a different kind of way.
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