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Lucky

Every time you buy cigarettes,
you take one out, flip it over
and slide it back into the pack,
upside-down.

Tonight, I couldn't help but stare at that last cigarette
as it dangled from your unmistakably
James-Dean lips.

I started to kick my feet, then stopped,
feeling strangely like a school girl.
"Why do you always do that?" I asked.

You tightened your lips, inhaled deeply, and answered
without even taking the cigarette from your mouth.
"Why do I always do what?"
Smoke spiraled from your nostrils, reminding me of a dragon.

I tucked a strand of too-short blond hair behind my ear and stuttered,
"Wh--Why do you always turn that one cigarette upside-down?"

"Oh that." You replied, and your eyebrows twitched,
as if you were trying to blink, but couldn't.
You do that a lot.
"That's my lucky cigarette."


"Your lucky cigarette?" I echoed,
awkwardly crossing, then uncrossing my legs. "Well, does it work?"

You drew your eyebrows together and squinted as you savored one last, long drag.
"Of course it works."

Deftly, you flicked the butt of your cigarette out into the night.
I traced the trail of the cherry as it drew an arc through the darkness.
When I looked back at your fog-grey eyes,
they were staring intently into mine.

"Of course it works." You repeated.












"I found you, didn't I?"

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • albymyheart gold member
    January 19

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    I liked this, it kept my attention the whole way through. Personally I would delete the word 'unmistakably' though. I liked the story and how you created the atmosphere of the scene. Well done...Alby

  • jackflashjess
    January 6

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    I love the sense of narrative running through the piece. the converstaional style is really endearing, i wanted to read on. Some great cultural references, well done!


  • pinksnowboots
    November 27, 2009

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    Oh my gosh this is amazing. It is so sweet and unique-I love unique love stories and this completely fits the bill. It is a unique love story and a good one too! This idea is so original and interesting and I was so glad to read it! So sweet!


  • xpowder
    November 26, 2009

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    that was adorable

    The narration was perfect and and I absolutely adore the last line.. It may sound cliche but everything else was unique and I love the idea of a "lucky cigarette".. This was utterly romantic in a cute way.. The kind of poem/story that pulls at your heartstrings.. It started really random and I like how the descriptions are really vivid.. It was as if I could see every thing happen with my own eyes..

    I heart you to pieces because you are an awesome writer/poet and since this is the first piece on this site that made me feel nice and warm and fuzzy inside!

    Enough said and much love,
    ~tiara♥

  • jerry1
    November 26, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Cute story. Loved the ending.

  • oneheartstring
    November 26, 2009
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    Terrific story. The bad boy scaring the ell outta u while he melts u too. Makes u want to know what happens next.

  • pelo801
    November 25, 2009

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    oh, that was horribly sweet. i felt the awkwardness and the squirmy feeling you must have had. i think this was some great self expression. and i really appreciate that. good stuff.


  • Charity Ann
    July 14, 2009

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    Fantastic! This is good stuff...it's vintage Tabby...so simple and clear. Each word seems carefully chosen, but at the same time, it sounds so natural as if you were sitting here on my couch with me repeating the story. Very nice! I like.


  • Randomly Beautiful
    July 1, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    This is so amazing. You did a wonderful job with such a simple moment. I know those moments. They would only mean something to someone else who has lived them. Stunning stuff here.


  • Tinkerbell-Or-Me
    June 30, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    that's so cuuuute
    everybody always does that lucky cigarette thing
    but i never got into the habit.

    this was written beautifully.
    i loved how i felt like i was there.
    <3


  • Jeri gold member
    June 30, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!!!

    I love this. You show a lot of talent here. A different type of write. Such a cool read.
    Peace be with you
    Jeri

  • poppies gold member
    June 30, 2009
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    Aww, the ending is so sweet! Loved it.


  • venomoustoad
    June 30, 2009

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    I wish I could be as Janes Dean cool as the guy in this poem. I like the way you take a slice of life and make a poem out of it.

  • HollyLouise
    June 30, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    I like the dialogue in this. Maybe the other lines could be made a bit more powerful, but overall it's good.
    Please put your username in your AN spaced out like this: H o l l y L o u i s e
    It was in the rules on the contest.

    Holly.

  • fillurhands
    June 30, 2009

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    This piece would actually make an excellent movie scene or even a scene in a play. Try reading the dialogue portions alone and let your imagination do the rest. I enjoyed it very much.

  • FierceD
    June 30, 2009
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    I was actually lookin forward to find a concept like this


  • xxshootingstarsxx
    June 29, 2009
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    niice

    I really enjoyed reading this! nice work and cute ending keep writing


  • attack110
    June 29, 2009
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  • yellow blue bus gold member
    June 29, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    aww I love this
    <3


  • Jocelyn.Jaded
    June 29, 2009

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    Aww I really like this(: This is very good and I really love it. I think its nice how your started and kept it like. Flows well ^.^. Anyway, nice write.


  • Polar bear god
    June 29, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I love this! Romantic in a different kind of way.

1 - 21 of 21