I'm falling down, as you surround,
Something sharp breaks my fall,
As you give me your all.
This is what you wanted,
Blood on your hands,
To feel, finally, that you were a man.
So tell me why,
It had to be me, That fell victim
To your brutality.
I can not do much now,
But bleed on the floor,
Wondering why you don't care anymore.
Did I do something wrong?
Deserve this somehow?
This time you're different,
You gain to much thrill,
From those harsh punches
This time you kill.
A contest entry
- A Dark Road by in the dark blue.
500 points, ended July 9, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fear is the oldest and strongest emotion of mankind by Miss Macabre.
750 points, ended July 4, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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It had to be me, That fell victim
To your brutality.
Very intense. This write has a lot of potential, but I have suggestions to offer.
Did I do something wrong,
Deserve this somehow.
Should have a question mark, maybe two. Like so:
Did I do something wrong?
Deserve this somehow?
Wondering why you don't care anymore more.
Shouldn't be a more there.
Other then that, this is a decent write. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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here you goes
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this made me think of face down by red jumpsuit apparatus. Sorry for all the allusion. XD nicely written.
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thanks for adding
this is a very deep and powerful write. I only saw two errors. I want to thank you for taking the time and effort to add your write here.
Sarah
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For some reason this makes me think of 'Face Down' by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus...ever heard it?
Anyway, REALLY cool; I think this is my favourite one so far. You can really feel the emotion!
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