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juana





dark-haired girl wraps pretty pieces of poetry
and lemon yellow crystals around her to feel
beautiful and worth the trouble of chasing after –
but more than trying to attract her one-and-only
she is trying to prove to herself that her voice
will still echo after she’s long gone – tries
convincing herself the hundreds of metaphors
she created so the letters would align with her
pain will mend someone else’s heart before
they snake their way to her own – shaking hands
slide glass lights under her tongue – fingertips
run over smooth glimmering surfaces and she
returns to her life of added glamour and begging
him to make her matter



Author notes

preview of what you will see if/when my poem manuscript gets published. I'm really hoping, anyway.

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Comments


  • aeolia
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    hm, not really your best, or even close, to be honest. of course it's a nice dedication and all, but the formatting really hindered this; you should probably punctuate with more than just dashes and consider playing with the line breaks, because they felt awkward in some parts (especially between "her/pain," "she/returns," "begging/him," and some others. it just did not feel natural and made everything feel choppy instead. also, this piece is a little adjective-heavy, especially in the first two lines.

    "she is trying to prove to herself that her voice
    will still echo after she’s long gone"
    this is the one idea that struck me, even if the phrasing is kind of mediocre. to me, everything else is filler.

    don't kill me, lol. you know how much i value honesty, and you know i like my own critiques much more brutal than this. it's not a bad poem, just rather mediocre. :/


  • nickkiwick
    July 2

    Edit | Reply

    Beautifully written

    I especially like this and can relate! fingertips
    run over smooth glimmering surfaces and she
    returns to her life of added glamour and begging
    him to make her matter
    Beautifully written with heartfelt words! Loved it! I'm a fan


  • Jocelyn.Jaded
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my o; This is amazing. I love it<33. I like how it gives you a picture. Well penned. Great write(: ;;


  • written-in-ink
    June 28

    Edit | Reply
    shaking hands
    slide glass lights under her tongue – fingertips
    run over smooth glimmering surfaces


    thank you so much it is amazing
    and you bet we will see it
    hahah
    its great
    a great start for sure