Dear Manda

Dear Manda,

You wanted a letrter so here is my attempt. I'm doing this the traditional way - pen and paper with my ipod playing "Somebody's me" by Enrique Iglesias into my ears as my muse seems to respond better this way then going to type it up.
      Well I don't really know where to start so I'm picking the option tell you about myself and vent at the same time also. I'm going to be cliche but who cares.
    If you read my poetry, you'll see the most recent is kind of dominated by one boy. Here's the story.
    "me and my heart got issues" - The Saturdays. God how true that sentece is right now. Well you see there's this boy and he's kind of captured my heart but he's placed it in a bubble. A bubble that either he or I can burst. The thing is he has a girlfriend and their relationship isn't a 2 minute thing, more like a 2year thing with a joint house and life in tow.
    He and I have history. 4 years of it be precise. 2 years of him being a complete **---*** knowing I liked him but continuing to be the local bad boy of his area and 2 years of me having my first serious relationship, first time of falling in love and my Nan passing away and 2years of his relationship progressing and growing. You know you'd think after 18months and having spoken barely 2 words to each other that he'd have moved on and so would I have. It seemed for me a broken heart made me seek familiarity and in my search I found him standing with a torch above his head.
    It wasn't the same as it was 18months before that. He was still in his relationship and I was slowly but surely mending a broken but despite these things, he seemed to help. Random texts throughout the day and texts at night when he could helped ease the loneliness that my friends seemed so oblivious to.
    My heart broke exactly a year ago today and right now I'm not exactly sure of what I feel. Happy? Sad? Confused? Lonely? An idiot?
  Every girl in this entire world sets out in stone that they're never going to feel something for someone's elses boyfriend and I'm not going to lie; I was no different. Being daft and getting involved with whatever is between he and I showed me although this isn't right and I really don't want her heart to break like mine did, sometimes the feelings that someone stirs in your stomach and your heart and more annoyingly your head are the hardest things to walk away from. I've also learnt that it's even harder to walk away when that person says they return the feelings you've been so brave to show. I made myself vulnerable to him and now I'm learning where to go from here.
  The past 11months have provided unforgetable memories and moments and have been an interesting experience. I'm not necessarily sad because I've discovered this one boy can be a let down but I'm happy because I've learnt I'm a small town girl with high dreams and I'm going to aim for the stars and sky because that way my Nan knows I'm trying my hardest. I don't want to ruin anyone's relationship and it is starting to become clearer and clearer that even if I do apply to the university that is near this boy, that it isn't because of him or my deluded self conscious that believes we could work but rather because I like the university and its reputation.

  Lots of love
      Your imaginary British friend!
AKA Bex
            XXXXXXX