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She was standing in the mist

Missing image
On the ridge of a mountain tall,
She was standing in the mist.

Above her just the evening sky,
Her skin shone silver under the moon.
Below her lay a deep blue lake,
Holding an image of the evening gloom.

The image was ever still and clear
Yet not everything was seen.
It seemed to miss her graceful presence,
All was mirrored, but not her.

For a picture of such perfect beauty,
Is reflected only in the highest stars.

-

How long she had been standing there,
No one really knew.
But the oldest trees remembered her,
From when they themselves were young.

And many legends told of her,
Of civilizations now long gone.
But they never came close to describing her,
In even their most precious tale or song.

-

The twilight now slowly turned to dusk,
And clouds blocked out the moon.
Nights' darkness spread across the land,
And consumed it as a whole.

Strong winds from the east now swept,
But she stood strong and firm.
Not even the rain, that poured down tirelessly,
Could quench the fire in her soul.

-

For many ages and aeons more,
She stayed patiently on that spot.
Until she felt the day was here
The one she hoped would never come.

And indeed at dusk, from the west,
Rose an apocalyptic sun.
Could this truly be day,
That the earth would be undone?

The mighty mountains crumbled down,
The lake roared in dismay.
The forest burned, it's creatures ran,
The world lay in decay.

And all of nature turned to dust,
until there was nothing left to see.

Yet she stood there waiting evermore,
For a day that could not be.

Author notes

By Valefor.

A contest entry

Could you follow the pace? Was it interesting the whole way through?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18
  • hend shaheen
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!! stunning !!! your words are really alive!!! and the rhyme is soo smooth!! please enter your name in the AN ...thanx for entering and good luck

  • Good imagery. That was so beautiful.

    Favorite lines: And all of nature turned to dust,
    until there was nothing left to see.

    Yet she stood there waiting evermore,
    For a day that could not be.

    Overall grade; 6/10

    Thanks for entering


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful
    The imagery is wonderful as were the words painting this..

    thank you for sharing with me
    and, best wishes
    Julie


  • cazzy71
    July 11

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    Beautiful piece of poetic beauty.I note you have some comments that point out weakness to the poem,and whilst I respect any author who views and comments,my feelings on this piece do not mirror any negativity what-so-ever.I real felt this work,I engaged with it,moved with it,absorbed myself with in it.The picture you set with it is so apt,so fitting,so well chosen.The flow is great,length just perfect and all word choices so carefully placed.Apocalyptic sun is stunning and makes visualizing this so clear,so dramatic.Amazingly high standard.This write is resplendent.


  • guardianhost gold member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply

    Enthralling

    Majestic, mother earth and father time...I found each stanza well formed.

     

    Excellent write - I would have liked to read more from you on this topic.

     

     

  • srgeyer1
    July 9
    Edit | Reply
    oh snap.. that was better than i excpected.... GOOD JOB!


  • The conception of this poem, its imagery, and the emotional energy are of sublime rhythm and symbolism. "She was standing in the mist" is a touching and inspiring poetic vision.

    The opening lines: First stanza seems to need revision.

    First line of the tenth stanza is too prosaic.

    The fourth word of the eleventh stanza should be "ITS".

    The closing stanza is too prosaic and very weak.

    The punctuation needs a general revision.

    In respect and admiration,

    Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU


  • Rose Angel gold member
    June 30

    Edit | Reply
    You write very dramatically....a uniqueness of your own....Quite a write of suspense.


  • myrataal silver member
    June 30

    Edit | Reply

    I loved how the poem built ...

    into the paradoxical climax of destruction ...

    YET. YET: I would have rewritten the exit lines if they were mine:

    Yet she stood there, waiting never more,
    for the Day dawned on new shore.



    Love to you, Poet.
    Myra

  • Beautiful but sad

    Richly written.

  • Brilliant

    i really enjoyed reading this it kept me hooked till the end, so magical and mysterious, loved it very well written x

  • very interesting. nice pace and rhythm througout. ripe with vivid images. really good. YOU WIN!!
    Thanks, KP

  • nibs1968
    June 28
    Edit | Reply
    loved it very powerful could really feel it understand it

  • Yes, I followed the pace, and it was interesting the whole way through. You have personified the immortal spirit that predates creation - I like to think of her as feminine, so loved to see you do so as well. The paradox, of course, consists of our lack of knowledge. But for me you have shown Sophia of the Gnostics.


    • valefor gold member
      June 29
      Edit | Reply
      I had my own interpretations ofcourse when I wrote it, but I tried to keep it as universal (or mystical if you will) as possible to leave it open for other views. I really love that in a poem so I try to incorporate it into my own when I can.

      I love seeing replies like this, thanks for your comment!

  • The pasce was had to follow,
    Until I read it agin.
    It was very interesting.
    You have talent my friend.


  • Hope Angel silver member
    June 28

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really beautiful and interesting story. You told this very well. It's almost like some sort of old legend or tale. You have a way of painting scenes with words.

    "The image was ever still and clear
    Yet not everything was seen.
    It seemed to miss her graceful presence,
    All was mirrored, but not her."
    I love that stanza.

    Fantastic write.

  • This is a very intriguing poem. Yes I could follow the pace and yes it was interesting all the way. Interpretation is up to the reader. So, she is an angel or a ghost or perhaps the universe itself.

1 - 18 of 18