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~~Violet Dawn~~

Missing image
The orange sun sets in the east
A fresh blowing breeze
Trees sway in the wind
Putting our minds at ease

Clear crystal drops of dew
Sparkle in the light
Short green blades of grass
Glisten ever so bright

Robins and sparrows twitter loudly
Rabbits scamper across the grass
Squirrels run excitedly
And rain puddles shimmer like glass

A rainbow of flowers dazzles us
River flows ever so swift
Violet Dawn is the greatest
nature's most wonderful gift

Author notes

Pic found at www.deviantart.com _by ArwensGrace

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Melodies
    October 1

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    Carrying this beauty away to Poetry Planet. Thank you ever so much.


  • Griswold silver member
    July 26

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    Beautifully written, with good flow and visualization. A wonderful time of the day, that's usually when I get to bed. Nicely written and good rhyme too. Best of luck to you... Scott

  • This is absoloutely breath-taking.
    The words you use just made it come alive.
    And the rhyme is really good, usually, i dont favor it.

    A truly amazing write.
    Keep on shining
    x~Chloe~X

  • Amen

    This is a lovely write here and oh how I love the ealy morning with the awakening of a new day for our eyes only .Great write here .Say honey I couldnt find where I could add you to my favorites could you add me then I will add you from the message I would so love that

  • beautiful!

    This is such a beautiful and peaceful poem. It is such a treat when we can see the purple in the sky before sunrise. Your rhyming is excellent too.

    Good luck in this contest!

    Jeannette


  • queenie
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    you really do so well with the rhyme and nature writes. this is a really great one especially as the imagery is really topnotch. i have never seen a violet dawn but this piece lets me imagine what i could expect from one. again, you have done so very well.


  • crivanea silver member
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    creativity: 17/20
    imagery: 19/20
    word choice: 18/20
    impact: 34/40

    beautiful ..like a perfect picture of morning..i don't think i ever seen a violet dawn..but heh..i don't get up that early..


  • Melodies
    June 29
    Edit | Reply
    I would like to slip into this poem's picture and verses and stay for the day. What a fine poem this is... all lines just so perfectly penned and beautiful!


  • Sherry gold member
    June 28

    Edit | Reply

    Simply lovely

    Such lovely reflections of nature beautifully written felt a feeling of being there taken in through being uplifted and refreshed. Enjoyed this a crisp refreshing read.
    Sherry ♥

  • "Violet Dawn" what a beautiful way to describe the morning hours. So lovely sis!


  • Desire gold member
    June 27

    Edit | Reply

    Wow~

    Ooooooooh My this is a Beautiful piece penned Sis~ Love the images also the words used
    They created the setting~ this takes the person right there Bravo!!
    Excellente
    Thank You for sharing Your Talent
    Best wishes in the contest
    with love & light~ Desire~*~


  • Maureen silver member
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    Hey Sis! Love your poem and the pic'!

    Love you!
    Hugs, zzz
    ♥ Maureen


  • Another beautiful vision of nature you have presented to us again Susan! There were some suggestions I thought to put to you below, which I hope will be helpful if you are planning to revise any parts.

    I thought that since the image is so silhouetted, that more of the dark/shadow could've been presented in this poem - to balance and contrast the colour of the violet dawn etc., and so the poem most reflects the image above (but only if it was your intention for it to do so).

    You used "grass" in two stanzas here, which I felt stole away from you an opportunity to work with a line that would've enabled you to present another, different image, fresher for removing the grass-repetition.

    "A rainbow of flowers dazzle us" ... rainbow is singular, therefore dazzle should be "dazzles", as although you are speaking of flowers, which are plural, you have presented them in a singular body - the rainbow.

    Again in the final line, "gift" should be "gifts", because you are speaking of a range of nature's gifts. To keep it in the singular "gift", you could end the line before it with a semi-colon, and have the last line as: "nature's most wonderful gift".

    I always love your nature and rhyme pieces, and it's always good to see another - they remind me of our international chats about the weather back in 2005-06 when I lived in Cornwall! I'd love to see you write more of nature but working in freeverse or other forms, as I recall you wrote a rather good freeverse poem not long ago. I think you would like a form called Monotetra - google it and have a go

    Hope this critique helps matey
    x

  • speedbump
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    Sis, this verse is wonderfully serene. Imagery puts one right in the moment.
    Constructive:Second stanza: I would reverse the words "clear " and "crystal: for a better flow.
    Last stanza: Shorten the word "ever" to e'er" as this will keep the syllables even in the first and last line.

    I would not change a word of this well written poem, just adjust.

    Love,
    Meleesa


  • Maxboy gold member
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful sweetie and the rhyme is perfect.

    Wonderful Sis....Best wishes in the contest
    Bro


  • Kathraina silver member
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh great rhyme and flow, and I absolutely love the beautiful imagery you've created with your words. Bravo and best of luck to you!


    ♥ Kate

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