Lisa is sitting on the porch
having tea.
The boys roll by
in battered trucks
and busted lives,
"Fortunate son," they say
eyeing that.
She says
it's not complicated
looking in my bare cupboard,
my spare compendium
my pirate ships and docks,
and sorted dirty socks.
I could put on my coonskin cap
and amble out the door,
when the wind's right.
Nothing brings me home
but the things I own.
And she unwrapped,
put her tea down
settling
like a calico cat,
her fingers flip her bangs,
and lay along her cheek
as she looks out across the lane.
"Freedom", Lisa sneers,
her eyes upon my ass
her hands upon the razors and the glass
her feet upon the angels and the angst,
and me.
and the guys in the pickup truck go by
and smile.
Author notes
Written March 21st, 2004
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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Most intriguing and interesting piece here, deftly and adroitly done poem, though a tad arcane and esoteric, but I liked it a ton!!
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This is pretty good.I like the imagry in this.The attention to every detail is right on the mark.
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And she unwrapped,
put her tea down
settling
like a calico cat,
her fingers flip her bangs,
and lay along her cheek
as she looks out across the lane.
great imargy
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This was always one of my favorites.
Still is.
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I really enjoyed the flow of this poem, you did a great job putting it together. I also really liked the second stanza. Great job!
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I'm not very good at critique, but I have to say I really enjoyed this poem. It was very...unique, and flowed really well. Nice job!
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Oh, long time ago, oldish poem.
S2, L6: "assorted" rather than "sorted"?
S3, L3: "wind's" rather than "winds"?
I know, s'posed to be casual , not critical, but I can't help myself.
I remember your old Lisa poems. Always wondered who she was. Lotsa good stuff in here.
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excellent!
i saw the title and never expected such a wonderful poem.
"Nothing brings me home// but the things I own" and "her feet upon the angels and the angst, and me" are superb.
keep writing!
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Great imagery while reading your words. It felt like it was 1950's for some reason, just a feeling while reading. I liked this alot, thanks for sharing
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great write love the flow and the imagery in this piece is really strong, are you also a song writer Luke, your poems sound like they could be great song.
good work -
Interesting poem..I love the smooth flow and the vivid imagery. Well written. Keep writing. Loved it.
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Thanks for sharing this.
A nice and simple poem. Please also read one of my own poem: "Sweet shelter". Thanks
Tushar
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there's a song in my head now, and i can't think of it... just some jumbled tune and words, as im on nights and it's all abit blurry and whirly...
but the boys in the truck and the hands and nuances... makes this so good...
oldie but goodie...
G.x
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I remember reading this. Hard to believe it was 3 years ago. It made me crazy.
Must have been the calico cat thing..... Just heard some CCR and thought of this poemer wanted to read it. Glad I did. Here's my favorite part:
Lisa is sitting on the porch
having tea.
The boys roll by
in battered trucks
and busted lives,
"Fortunate son," they say
eyeing that.
She says
it's not complicated
looking in my bare cupboard,
my spare compendium
my pirate ships and docks,
and sorted dirty socks.
I could put on my coonskin cap
and amble out the door,
when the winds right.
Nothing brings me home
but the things I own.
And she unwrapped,
put her tea down
settling
like a calico cat,
her fingers flip her bangs,
and lay along her cheek
as she looks out across the lane.
"Freedom", Lisa sneers,
her eyes upon my ass
her hands upon the razors and the glass
her feet upon the angels and the angst,
and me.
and the guys in the pickup truck go by
and smile.
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Hope you are smiling...
Trying to figure this new thing out. So I'm wandering around my favorite poet's poem house. For comfort and familiarity.
I have to be careful I know not how this new applausy thing works. I'll give you three.
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really nice write... good job i like how u kept the rythm and tone... it was quite nice and quite serene... keep writing.. =]
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very well written and great play of words delightful to read refreshing great job
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Good poem..I am also a little confused but it just seemed like a fun day...lol
Soulful Woman -
Good job! I'm not sure if I understood this poem correctly but it's a good poem.
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I could put on my coonskin cap
and amble out the door,
when the winds right.
Nothing brings me home
but the things I own.
A great travel of the muse bringing the amazing imagery through a sentimental picaturisation of the thoughts here..A great work indeed...
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I have not read any of your work before. I found this piece full of twists and turns and very interesting. The images you have created are clear sometimes and not others. I think this is my fault due to lack of familiarity with the style and your poetry.
I look forward to reading more of your work. -
this piece has some interesting turns and twists and some delightful phrases. An interesting journey as I read through it. I wasn't able to follow all of the meaning behind it, but it was an enjoyable piece to read. Well done.
Rory -
very good
i enjoyed this very much and also enjoyed everyones comments but am not going to add more to them other than to say thank you for sharing this thought provoking write with us and keep up the goodw ork
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I love this..the imagery is amazing! It's slightly long but that works well with the flow of the poem. I liek the stanza
" "Freedom", Lisa sneers,
her eyes upon my ass
her hands upon the razors and the glass
her feet upon the angels and the angst,
and me. "
I don't know why but it just made me giggle reading it for some reason. Fantastic poem, a pleasure to read. Please never stop writing!!!
~marie lee
xxx -
Went out for a drive a lunch -- heard that song course, reminded me of this.
I think I've probably read this at least 68 of the 168 reads it has had.
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Okay, I'm confused. Whose ass was it? Anyway, it was interesting but I too do not understand it all. But maybe you wanted it to be like that. I liked it.
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works for me
like the twisted ending.....took me on a journey through this poem and was not expecting it to end the way it did....great write.i had to go back and read it again... like the way if flows and feel of it just sort of rolls off the lips. well done -
Really good poem.. I liked it a lot
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Really good, this.
crystaldust 31 Dec.15.55
Oh, this is a good one. Life as she is lived in a marvellously sensitive poem, not only to your own feelings but to everyone around you. And you do it with love even if the loving is difficult sometimes. I like it. Thanks for writing it. -
I think everything that could be said about this piece has already been said by the others. I cant think of anything tho add anyway apart from I like this alot. Nice one
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"Nothing brings me home
but the things I own."
Every so often a word or phrase just leaps out at you, grabs you and dances... this was one such instance.. this flowed beautifully, I won't pretend to understand it all, and mean to come back later
i liked this though
it had a dream like quality...
abjectness....
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Okay, first you've got CCR, which I adore (I'm hoping you've seen the movie "The Big Lebowski"), then a word I had to look up (compendium - nice one by the way) and you had pirate ships, the word amble and a girl being compared to a cat...officially I think I love you!!! Has all my favorite things...woohoo. Anyway, I tink it sooper so I goes now.
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UB, DD & ODY (almost like a charlies angels thing going there) they sure can read you - or even if like DD says only you know what you mean they sure can make up some good shit..worth it to make a trip back here just for their "lute poem debrief" ...i still happen to like the colors..but after reading again and the debrief - if lisa is finally on the porch..and the person in the poem there with her wants her there..here is what he should do, in my humble opinion, ..flip the boys the bird and smile, lean on over, toss the friggin glass and shit off the porch and give his woman a big kiss - make sure she knows its "possesive" ...and why can't they just live happily ever after or something..simple like dat <-----swore i would never...
or is it, you enjoy this all so very, very much, you?
Edited on Mar 23, 8:55 p.m. because ''. -
I love reading about your poem lady. I imagine she would have very nice breasts.
I am also giggling at Miss Urwin's comment on this piece. About it being a truthy Lutey poem. Yes, yes. Very. Indeed.
What did I get out of it? CCR and your insecurity about your place in this one's heart, and tea leaves and the future, and cut glass and the past. -
good
While reading this I get a 60's feel, probably the CCR song thrown in there, which I like.
I get a kick out of everyones interpretation of these poems and I'm sure you are sitting back with a because you're the only one who really knows.
Like Lisa says, "it's not complicated."
UB1 is right. "Lisa's is," is not a typo. (Not like dat's a har word or anyting like dat.) Lisa is finally off the swing and on the porch, or her ass is, maybe her heart. "Lisa's is," being the possessive. So she's on the porch sipping tea and the guys in the truck are watching her and smiling but she's watching "his" ass and probably isn't even aware of the guys in the truck watching her and smiling.
Sad part is, nothing brings him home but the things he owns, so does he own Lisa? She seems to be getting some attitude lately, sneering and all but instead of having her eyes on his ass I'd like to see her put her foot "up" his ass and take off with the guys in the truck. Now that's freedom.
Okay my work's done.
Desiree
Edited on Mar 23, 2:00 because ''. -
Fortunate if not for the mess she brings... She loves hovering above the borderline... it's where things make sense I guess..... As always a perfect poem...
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wow.. thats really disturbing, for me. it reminds me of Wilfred Owen's poems, from the first world war. i don't know if you've heard of him - he's pretty good.
anyway, this was good. it was quite harsh, and coarse, but it suited the subject.
nice! -
you truly are reality royalty
every one of your works
is so perfectly written
amazing
~liz
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little lonely and sad and cute and full of love and capturing a moment and feeling seperate and together and basically just trying to really be here and there...strange but good all sorts of thoughts and things that are unintelligible in another and trying to sort it out. talk talk. i love it
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I was thinking too (like unbridled1) about the first line.. except I took to as possessive.. that you were describing Lisa's place as sitting on the porch having tea.
I love the reality in all your writing - scenes perfect in their imperfections
nice one
~Scarlet -
i am trying to write more angst. i'm just awful. plink said i have angst about angst but couldn't squeeze a poem out of that even. then jaden said try "detached angst" ?? failed miserably there he and bohb made sure to document their feelings about my failure on the poem page..i was going to take it down but their comments are pretty funny... it seems to just take so much damn negative energy... i'd rather be having sex or brunch or something..i'm all confused by UB's comment about two Lisa's..and just the word bile...blah. and then of course relate to Claire's comment cause I just wrote a poem about losing my viriginty when i was a teenager - and think sometimes i still am...i dunno, I do like the morning sky and purple writing..and like the "feet on me" line...after all that crazy stuff her hands and feet were into...
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her hands upon the razors and the glass
her feet upon the angels and the angst
she seems all useless and apathetic and teenagerified in this one and then i like it because it feels a bit like me (well it feels a bit like me because im massively self obsessed i expect)
but anyway, yes, all truthy and real like how your poems normally are -
bautiful.
well that sure took an unexpected turn near the end. excellent word choices and microscopic attention to detail. This is my very favorite type of free verse, in which a moment is examined from many angles. IN the end, the moment is still elusive, difficult to embrace or comprehend, and we are left a little unsatisfied, but the journey to that point is delicious and stimulating. EXCELLENT write. -
hmmmm...i keep pondering that first line. You are not one to err...so i am thinking there are two "Lisa's" in the image. My favorite section of this piece is the last full stanza. It is very sharp and "cutting" for lack of a better word. I cannot really explain it...but that stanza...when i imagined being the person watching and thinking of "Lisa"...was one of the bile rising in the throat...a disgust perhaps. Ah, who knows.
Always the interesting tale woven within a tale from the L-Man.
UB
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