(photo copyright 2008 Jon Freeman -- all rights reserved)
So this is Sauer Castle, huh, I guess you think I care.
I’ve only come here with you cause of Jason’s stupid dare.
As if this old and dreary house could fill my heart with dread,
On such a cold and rainy day I’d rather be in bed.
It has a stark and morbid look, e’en from this far away.
The outside stands quite clean and neat, that much I’ll surely say.
I guess I’ll prob’ly go inside, and see what’s there to see,
But I’m a skeptic so I guess, I’ll always just be me.
“Come on,” she says, “let’s go on in.” I tag along behind,
It’s just a house and no big deal, what does she think I’ll find?
Some ghosts or goblins, eerie sounds, or all of that and more?
I shrug and mumble to myself, we're fin’ly at the the door.
A last quick look at aging brick and then I step inside,
The air is muggy, chilled and dank, I’m quickly horrified.
What change took place at moment’s end, what’s lurking in this place?
The weight of evil presses in, devoid of merit’s grace.
My feet are frozen to the floor, I’m held by icy hands,
My throat’s compressed, I draw no breath, and yet my heart expands
And fills my chest until it feels as though my ribs may break.
What power looms inside these walls that makes my spirit ache.
“Come on,” she yells, “you’re falling back. In fact, you’re standing still.”
My feet seem frozen to the floor, no matter what I will,
For never in this life of mine have I e’er felt this way,
And when she shrugs and looks at me, I don’t know what to say.
My mouth is moving wordlessly, no sounds are coming out.
I try to draw some air inside, I want to scream and shout.
But silence reigns, she shakes her head, “You’re very weird, my dear,
If you don’t want to tour this place, I’ll meet you right back here.
A sullen shrug, she turns her back, I’m suddenly alone.
The ice-cold wall beside my head emits a chilling moan..
I jerk and jump and try to move, my body won’t respond,
Condemned to stay here by this wall, I cannot move beyond.
At last my brain begins to work but I’m not sure that’s good.
A house can’t have this morbid hold, it’s only bricks and wood,
And yet my heart is tightly squeezed as though in frigid hands.
I gasp for breath, ridiculous, and I can’t comprehend.
At last she’s back, her smiling face says everything is fine,
And yet I get a scathing look, as though I’m asinine.
She holds the door and shoves me out, the sun is warm and bright,
My breath returns, my heart is still, once more my world is right.
Author notes
This was originally written for a contest but the contest closed before I finished it. Sooo, I decided to go ahead and finish and just post it.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
I love poems and stories like this one and you've done it superbly, Paul
When I was a kid we used to dare each other to walk on a grave in the little old cemetary near where I lived. And there was an old house which we always pretended was haunted... but our pretending made us feel like it was real. Scary !!
This wonderful piece has sure brought back some childhood memories and you've written it in such an intrigueing way.
Dee
PS... be sure to check your IM's. It's in regards to the picture here.
-
Excellent
This was a GREAT read. Very real and exciting it is.
There is one error in this:
"I shrug and mumble to myself, we're fin’ly at the the door."
-
i had a dream that instilled that type of terror in me once. even as i think about it now cold chills attack me. i like story poems and this was a great one. it gave you suspense and intrigue. too bad you didn't make the contest. it's a real winner.
-
a good poem, i was gripped from the second verse onwards. i started in the flow then of the story and got involved.
-
And they said the Amityville horror wasn't real lol seems there are more than a few old houses that can creak more than their floorboards C
-
Good Work Here Paul
This brought back an interesting memory of an old cabin down by a creek near my New Jersey home. Everyone swore it was haunted so we mostly stayed away except to look at the place from a safe distance. Thanks for the memory.
-
Oh, lovely - I re-lived a little bit of childhood in this. I can't count the many times I've been dared to go somewhere or speak to someone scary and how many times I've been deathly afraid to but I would anyway just because no one ever says no to a dare.
Thank you for sharing. I aspire to be as great as you are someday.
-Reens
-
Oh Dad this is amazing!! Your talent just blows me away. I must admit that you are my favorite poet (only behind my James). I hate that the contest closed before you could enter this. It is definitely golden. It is always a pleasure and an honor to read you and to have you enter my contests. You rock!
-
whoa, really cool. I felt like I was there! I love the story line and I don't know how you put it together like that. amazing!
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
