What is It,
but a name for something thats so nameless?
A name for that which makes me shameless?
I feel It grow,
inside my body and my mind,
It eats away until I find,
The only way,
To remove it from me is to ignore,
But It is just to strong and oh so pure,
So I do try,
To live my life to the extreme,
To read the lines and inbetween,
And I do,
Conquer the depression deep inside!
No more need to run and hide!
A contest entry
- PREWRITE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Kathraina.
650 points, ended August 15, 456 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This is a veryn intersting write. I just loved the positive message and alot of people have depression and its not there falt. Thank you for sharing and it was a very nice read.
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Lovely job with this piece!
I love the positive message here.
Depression is something many suffer from, and alot of people let it rule them
Fantastic write
Bravo
♥ Kate -
wow this is excellent it runs smoothly, depression is hard to conquer, its a day and night disease if you ask me. Thank you for sharing and it was very much a pleasure to read.
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Okay, so I really like this, but I think that if you take off the commas at the ends of the lines, it would flow better. Also, you don't have to capitalize every new line. I tend to do that too, but someone told me that it is better to limit the use of capitalized letters. Just a thought
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Strong write. Short and sweet.
It invites to write multiple times, since there's a lot of room for interpretation. I always love that!
Thanks for sharing. -
Almost...
I like the concept a lot, but the flow could definitely use some work. The second and third verse are kind of choppy.
I think the fourth verse is the best of the poem, but the last verse kind of sounds like you added it just as an explanation, it doesn't really feel like it belongs.
Hope that helps a little. Like I said, good concept, this can really become an amazing poem. -
interesting write! i like the flow of this. n your words r so wise! strong n compact stanzas...there should be a space between in and between ..or maybe a hyphen?
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Solid poem
Nice work.
this was my fav part. great discription:
The only way,
To remove it from me is to ignore,
But It is just to strong and oh so pure,
this was my Aqward part maybe remove and:
I feel It grow,
inside my body and my mind,
It eats away until I find,
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Very nice
I like the feel of this... the wording is right on... you lead us along, making us wonder what exactly you're talking about... and the last part makes it all clear. Nice build.
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This is a great write and I like the metaphors used throughout the poem, and it has a happy ending, which is always nice, I enjoyed reading this, great job!
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Wonderfully written. I don't know what your style was but this is truly a work of art. You have shown passion and longing in this piece and if this is your new style of writing then i would surly stick to it. Masterful!
Stephanie
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This is a really interesting write. I like alot of the wording. My suggestions would be to tweak it so that it's not quite so ambiguous. I had a really hard time following it, but after a few reads through I caught on. With a bit of revision, this could be very nice. Glad you're back!
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