She sat and asked for fish and chips
Her gums were salivating
She raised the batter to her lips
But found her teeth were grating
The rest of us had finished now
She struggled still the chips to eat.
We smiled and grinned and thought, "The cow,
By now we could be on a holiday to Crete!"
The waiter closed the door and turned the sign
Chef went home and left us in decline.
We found her teeth and tried again
And in the end got home by ten....................
......................................in the morning
Feel free.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This was pretty goood (: The ending ' in the morning ' kinda ruined it. But still worth reading.
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"Kind of ruined it"? Point is without the idea of the next morning there ain't no joke -- must have my little jokes
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hummm patience is only sooo long. My mom, when I would eat slow would just pick up the plate and say get on with you. If you haven't eaten it yet, you are not going to now.
This poem definitely brings back memories. Thanks for sharing this with us. -
A little off on the rhyme and flow but very funny and I needed that. Good to see you posting. I miss your poems.
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lol this was cute. this was very cute. I like it gave me a giggle. You did a good job on this piece. Thank you for sharing this with us. It certainly lightened my day. Great job.
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Well Ducky...
....you were right that I would be lambasting you, you little prognosticator you!
Why do you change the rhyme scheme in the last verse - it spoils it!
Also, the flow leaves a lot to be desired.
May I be so bold as to suggest some changes?
1st verse is OK.
The rest of us had finished now
But Gran struggled to eat
We smiled and thought, "The silly cow
We could be now in Crete!"
The owner closed the cafe then
As we found poor Gran's teeth
And we were home by half past ten
Oh, sublime relief!
This is just a 2 minute "fix", my ending isn't as good as yours - but it flows and rhymes better.
With a little thought, it could be greatly improved.
NB I see my ex-friend Amera (Miss Vanitypersonified) has commented ; and not mentioned a WORD about the bad flow and changing rhyme, the coward! That's how she wants everyone to critique HER work - by only saying nice things about her.
Anyway old chap, good luck,
Ribena.
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Wot? Only one dose of the claps~? Sadly, oh, mighty one, you have missed the point, we got home THE NEXT DAY! Ah, well, you can't always match up to your credentials. Thanks for passing by.
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I understood that you got home the next day, but find a way of putting that in with FLOW.
I see that you've changed it, and the flow's a little better, but you haven't altered the changing rhyme scheme in the last verse, which spoils the piece - DUNNIT?
Rubens.
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hehe... this is hilarious! Your little tale told in rhyme paints an image that brings a grin to my face.
Love,
Amera♥
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Love it! You are a card!
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