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Empty ...

I get
an empty, sort-
of sense, when reflections
from my eyes intense, are coldly
staring back at me. As if I could or
should relent to that stolid gaze,
inside I feel amazed,
so I’ll forget
I get

...

Author notes

"Empty Eyeballs"

...."Empty eyeballs knew
That knowledge increases unreality, that
Mirror on mirror mirrored is all the show...."
W.B. Yeats The Statues

A contest entry

All comments are appreciated / answer in kind!

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Rovingone gold member
    July 17
    Edit | Reply
    Fine piece of work and beautifully artistic in it's form and simplicity.


  • Draig aine gold member
    July 11
    Edit | Reply

    congradulations on the gold

    a most excellent write, it improves with each read


  • liquidmindforever
    July 11

    Edit | Reply

    CLEVERLY PENNED

    Dear Poet,

    Thank you for entering my contest: WBYeats Prompt: "Empty Eyeballs..."

    I've read this several times, and each time it's depth increases.

    You do have a way with expressing yourself that allows the reader to fill in
    what only seems to be "missing."

    Wishing you the best
    till then
    stay
    liquid
    finalist


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply

    Powerful!!

    I love this mesmerizing li'l poem!! Your muse never ceases to amaze and daze. Wishing you all the best, Poet!! xx Cyn xx


  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, you love a challenge,
    notable in all your recent
    efforts on the page.

    The miracle is that you seem
    so comfortable with every form
    or adaptation you take on!

    Your organized mind,
    balanced by your ingenuity
    reflects in all your written pieces!

    Kudos!!

    M-C


  • leo2
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    I should have known "bullet or shape poetry" would be no problem for you either. This has the "look" of an adept poet and an astute people watcher. The internal rhyme is also a plus for me. Good luck in the contest.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long


  • Yemassee gold member
    June 28

    Edit | Reply
    2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2 Is there a form name for this? If not, I call it The rise and fall of Jy.

    I can count,

    And of course it also makes a nice shape poem that way. I use use that same syllable count and mine would have no where near that nice, balanced shape, so I'm sure that took some effort finding words of the right syllable and length.

    The mirror does that to me, both literal and metaphorical mirrors. As far as the metaphoric ones, I don't need any scrutiny from without or within. Ignorance is bliss and I am happy deluding myself there.

    A few times I have turned on a light, seen myself in a mirror and I just seemed odd, the eyes staring back...it's brief but disarming, and yes I know...completely irrelevant of any introspective meaning.

1 - 7 of 7