A silent tear fall from her eyes
As she fell on her knees and cry
Like a thunderstorm
No one can see her pain and cuts
It doesn’t show in her dark brown eyes
No one can see her inside
Dejected, rejected
Unappreciated and not respected
Alone and so desolated
She never ever felt so hurt
It feels like if they throw her in the fire
And left her ashes
Trying so hard to get back on top
Every time she tried
They pulled her back down
Right back where she started
Nobody sees the pain inside
It’s dark, freezing and nothing is helping
She wears a mask and hides
All the scars and burses
And all her fears
Throwing them into a locked box.
Now all she could do is weep and cry
Cause she can’t fix it
It’s to late
Dignity loss, together with her pride
There is no one by her side and no where to hide
Or even to let her try…
She’s alone in her own world
As all the others are together far away from her.
Author notes
plz tell me how it was and how i can make this poem betta
A contest entry
- ♥ ..The Only Way I'll Smile is if you Cut me Ear to Ear.. ♥ by BrokenHeartsInVain.
434 points, ended July 14, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I WANT YOUR FANTASY POETRY..OPTIONS AND PW ALLOWED by NooNiThEWitcH.
560 points, ended July 4, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRWRITE CONTEST FOR ALL by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended August 2, 1021 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - EMO, [Make me shiver and cry] by GraveyardGoddess.
400 points, ended August 18, 129 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I kinda fix somethings tell me what you think
Comments
-
This is very sad and painful however it has nothing magical or fantastical about it and therefore does not fit my contest. I sympathise with you and your pain and I hope you have the strength to survive and carry on.
You have many typos, especially in the beginning, you need to decide which tense you are using. Also, here "Alone and so desolated" desolate is an adjective and therefore cannot have an -ed added to it, it ought to be "isolated" or I think that is what you mean at least.
Also, "burses" is spelt "bruises"
Keep on writing and good luck in the contests you are entering,
Nooni
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It was a good write, ESPECAILLY since you're only 11. (looked at the sidebar.)
The thing that cought me was that you didn't exactly use the correct grammar in the first two lines.
A silent tear fall from her eyes
As she fell on her knees and cry
I understand that that rhymes better, but cry should be cried. Also, it'd be much better if you used more vivid details.
Also, scares should be scars. I think you spelled it wrong.
Thank you for entering, and good luck. ♥
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