the steam circled
her lips and plummeted
into her mouth through
the gaps in her clenched teeth.
she gasped,
choked.
.
forever isn’t a long time because forever means that time does not exist.
I feared this more than anything.
you have to work hard for death. you have to cry for your losses, to voice your convictions.
but most of all, you have to breathe when everything is telling you not to.
a sudden urge gripped me. I was compelled to snatch your pulse, to dangle it in front of your eyes; knowing you’d never be able to reach out and take it back.
my teeth were hungry for power,
my soul thriving for superiority.
my ribs anxious for reassurance.
I was a monster.
sometimes, when the night is too windy to embrace and the embers have burnt the last piece of wood to ashes, they ask me why I’m like this.
and I have no answer.
because I somewhere inside me I know I am better, but I can’t quite access it. it’s like trying to lick your elbow with no tongue.
and they sit, quiet and patient beside my chair as I fumble with my thoughts, trying to place them into words. their fingers dip into the stagnant moss pond in my heart and filter through the algae in attempts to find sunken treasure. sometimes I wish they found gold, even copper. something.
but their hands emerge, empty and dried.
there is nothing beneath my surface.
.
she gasped,
choked.
and recognised her reflection
in the blackness.
Author notes
Prompt: title
A contest entry
- && sometimes maybe i want to cry too by Simply Simple.
900 points, ended July 14, 36 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lots of Options -- Please Join In by FluorescentFixation.
900 points, ended July 20, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
if i was improper grammer, would you have the heart to correct me?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Wow. Congrats on bronze. ♥ (:
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Hello there, I'm so glad you were inspired to enter into my contest.
I love the raw emotions that come from reading this. You're very skilled at using imagery and word choice appropriately to express the narrator's feelings. I love these parts the most:
forever isn’t a long time because forever means that time does not exist
but their hands emerge, empty and dried
there is nothing beneath my surface
I feel I can really connect to this poem, especially in those lines.
The only thing I can't really figure out is how the title relates to the poem. Maybe because the narrator is backwards compared to how most people are? I'd love if you could elaborate, I hate not getting the full message in a poem ha.
But otherwise this is really captivating. Your use of prose is extremely poetic. Great write and good luck in the contest. -
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oh okay, well to me that title meant hanging on against all the odds. the imagery of a tree actually dangling from a leaf is a really strong sign of hopelessness.
so that's the mood i took for the poem. -
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Oh, that makes a lot of sense.
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a sudden urge gripped me. I was compelled to snatch your pulse, to dangle it in front of your eyes; knowing you’d never be able to reach out and take it back.
my teeth were hungry for power,
my soul thriving for superiority.
my ribs anxious for reassurance.
I was a monster.
But-----what about when you don't have to work for death?..
♥
B -
This is an amazing piece.
"forever isn’t a long time because forever means that time does not exist.
I feared this more than anything.
you have to work hard for death. you have to cry for your losses, to voice your convictions.
but most of all, you have to breathe when everything is telling you not to." I loved that more than anything.
Holly.
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this is a stunning piece that grabs the reader with the first work and sucks emotions from the readers soul
wow -
I-- I don't even know what to say, this was absolutely amazing. the beginning and the end were perfect; you used such a simple words to create such a powerful image.... and the middle was gorgeously written, I loved it -- you truly captured that feeling...
"sometimes, when the night is too windy to embrace and the embers have burnt the last piece of wood to ashes, they ask me why I’m like this" & " their fingers dip into the stagnant moss pond in my heart and filter through the algae in attempts to find sunken treasure" --- ahhh, these lines were beautiful. & "there is nothing beneath my surface" just made my jaw drop.
this is an amazing amazing amazing poem!
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Amazing poem, but it didn't make me cry.
That's been what's with all of them. I love them all. They are uber amazing, but they don't make me sad.
Either way, if I knew who you were, I'd be adding you to my favorites. I'll know once the contest ends though.
I really love the poem though.
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