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Gone

My soul, once here is lost.
My heart, once yours, tossed,
To the corner without a care.
My eyes, once dry, are glossed.

It was that very first tear,
That has finally led me here,
To this dark alley alone.
Shining blade and No fear.

I waited up for you long past dawn.
Didn't want to believe you were gone.
My eyes are forced to see the truth.
Was I really nothing but a pawn?

So I'll send this to you sealed with a kiss,
Wishing you had left me in happy bliss.
And I'll end everything with my smile and dagger.
Let my useless soul float into the dark abyss.

Author notes

Didn't have to end like this.....
Now will you treasure my dead body with a kiss?
-Max R.

A contest entry

........please help me revise

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Justice Morton
    November 15
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    Very good!!

    Wow,
    This was very powerful and emotionally strong. I greedily waited for the ending, which was fitting and satisfying.

    "That has finally led me here,
    To this dark alley alone.
    Shining blade and No fear"

    "And I'll end everything with my smile and dagger"

    Hmmm...Dark alley, dagger, and a broken heart. Ingredients for trouble (and revenge), I loved it.

    Thank you for writing.


  • Antebellum
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    'It was that very first tear,
    That has finally led me here,
    To this dark alley alone.
    Shining blade and No fear.'


    this is amazing. I love the rhyme. a very deep write.


  • Mokashi Senyu
    July 7

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing!!

    its true, it never has to end like this. i love this, the emotion, the love, the pure energy i feel coming from the words. i think that this one is worthy of being one of the greatest i have ever known.


  • dying inside 4ever
    June 30
    Edit | Reply
    deep and emotional. Good job! hope it gets better this also happen 2 me. Love how you used ryheam. One thing you should work on was the sentence
    "It was many and many a tear,"
    I didn't get what you were trying to say. Can you plz fix it. Good luck ( srry cant appulad no points)


  • redbarchettadrive gold member
    June 29
    Edit | Reply
    Useless soul?
    I hardly believe that!
    Awesome rhyme scheme Dream!
    Can I borrow your
    pen Max?


    • Minstrel-Morose
      June 29
      Edit | Reply
      Hah why borrow my silver pen when yours of gold sits in your hand!
      Thanks for the comment love


  • xUnrequitedx
    June 26
    Edit | Reply

    powerful

    very powerful and well written. and i enjoyed the rhyme scheme. nice job here

1 - 10 of 10