I want to flip the moon like a coin, fold the sky
and fill the crease with brighter stars.
I want to turn the whole world
upside down,
tonight. I want to make the clouds go
wild,
spinning and swirling and twirling
like a Van Gogh masterpiece,
as I swallow heaven.
Author notes
H a g a r e n H a n y o u
race me to the sky?
A contest entry
- race you to the sky? by alexandra..
1750 points, ended September 13, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any good?
Comments
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I like how you've changed the prompt, and made it your own.
First, the green is really bright, and it kind of put me off, simply because it's hard to read and a flouroescent, bright green doesn't really go with what you're trying to say in this piece.
Now, I do really like this.
It's exactly how I was feeling, just a couple of days ago.
"I swallow heaven." - Damn, that's effective, very, very powerful.
The whole idea of flipping the moon like a coin and folding the sky is also damn powerful. Really good imagery.
Good luck and thank you for entering (: -
Wonderfully done
I love a poem filled with action verbs, and "as I swallow heaven" is such a potent way to finish this one off. My only question would be if you're considering expanding this concept, as I think it could be done. If you are, I'd advise adding content to the middle, because the beginning and end are so perfect.
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Thanks
I'll think on it. This was a burst write from my muse. ^^"
So, more content after the first full stop? I can probably manage that. humdedum... <3
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Wow this poem is so abstract I absoluetly love it! The last like ...as I swallow heaven... really gave me food for thought. This poem made me think a lot! I love it!
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