Dear father how my wounded soul doth weep
Amid this fickle field of rose's thorns.
Unsure am I, to walk through dangers deep
Garden of life, wherein my soul is torn.
Hindered by self, I know these thorns are mine,
Though how am I to pluck them from my heart?
E'en so my trembling hand when held in thine
Re'sures my soul that we shall never part.
Fair child of mine with flaxen hair so bright,
Afraid to live yet filled with so much life.
This father's here to soothe that inner fright,
His goal to free that soul from undue strife.
Eternity's the time we have to share,
Reshaping lives together till we're there.
Author notes
Darianna and I shared the writing of this acrostic sonnet, she writing the daughter's section and I the father's. They're the independent inner thoughts the two have, thus they don't respond directly to each other. All comments encouraged and gratefully accepted.
Written March 20th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- 2 become one collabrators apply within by poetry within.
300 points, ended March 24, 2004, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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complex beauty
WoW! This is.... breathtaking... the structure is absolutely amazing, so complex yet understandable. The concept was beautiful and the poem was wonderfully written... I have nothing to say... it was beautiful.
.Amanda. -
I am not a lover of sonnets. With that said -- I absolutely loved this. Wonderful job you two.
M -
Oh my goodness! i've found someone who actually knows how to write sonnettes correctly and beautifully! this poem is amazing, not only because of its flow and beauty, but because you made an elegant accrostic. that, my friend, is talent, and i applaud your victorious efforts! keep penning, and you better win this contest.
-ben -
This is a great entry thank you for entering
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I never thought of it that way! Thankyou kountrykid for that wonderful insight you have seen into our words! HUGS! Dari x
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Great job here!! This actually could be taken as the Heavenly Father also. This is just so filled with caring and it has a wonderful flow to it. Good job and good luck! Hugs, Penny
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excellent
Beautifully written!!! And in olde english! I think even the Bard would smile lovingly on this one!! One can feel that pain in the daughter's heart and feel the wanting of the father to take that pain away. Oh, how special is a father's love!! -
I LIKE THIS...IT'S VERY CLEVER...KINDA REMINDS ME OF BEING IN PRIMARY SCHOOL (PRE-SCHOOL) AND WRITING THOSE POEMS WHERE YOU PUT YOUR NAME DOWN THE SIDE AND A BIT AFTER IT...AKA
HAPPY
ANNOYING SOMTIMES
ZANEY
ELEGANT
LOVING
KNOW WAT I MEAN? I USED TO LOVE WRITING THOSE!
NEEDLESS TO SAY THIS IS GOOD-VERY GOOD.
I LIKE YOUR STYLE.
I LOVE
'GARDEN OF LIFE WHERE IN MY SOUL IS TORN!'
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What can i say? WOW!!!!
best poem i've read today -
very nice to see different points from both people well done to you both on this thanks for writing and sharing and also good luck in the contest
Rowena Jo
Edited on Mar 21, 12:46 because ''. -
A beautifully written piece with flawless flow and rhyme!
Bravo to the both of you!
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Amazing style, as just breathtaking descriptions.
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a lovely idea...nicely written by both...very enjoyable...hugs...leanne xx
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that is really creative and beautiful. i wish i was able to have a relationship with my father like that. very wonderful poem
-britt -
interesting
i like how the poem expresses both the feelings of the father and the daughter. Nice write. -
what an interesting take,i like that,this really does sound like something a father and daughter might say,i can see this especially in an older girl teenager and such. job well dont to you both,good luck in the contest and thank you for entering.
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very nice collaberation..good luck in the contest...very interesting to see the both of your thoughts in one poem
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