The Call

Saturday, March 24, 2009
3:10am

Him. The creature. The dream. The man. He is back in my head. Oh how I thought him to be gone from my soul from long months past. But then the call… oh the call of his beautiful tranquilizing voice. I hear him.

I got a text, “I love you girl…” it hit me like a ton of bricks hitting glass. I shattered, I trembled, I broke into millions of little pieces… my heart aching and crying. My body quivering and tensing… weak and hopeless. I was driving back from a friend's house and cried all the way home… I called him… shaking so violently… thank God it was 2:30 in the morning and many people were on the road…  He didn’t answer… but I still heard his voice from his answering machine… I was in a trance. A trance of vigor and defeat…. A helpless soul crying out in agony and the deepest of all the pains in the world combined into my heart. Tim… oh Tim… my first love… my one and only… I cry and I die for you.

Still some part of me loves him… I crave his darkness, I crave his words and his soul. And the other part of me tells me to run like hell from him. Torn. Beat. Shattered.

Tonight will be the night that I will cry for you, over again...