You took my life,
ripped me apart to let your every
moment start.
You mothered thoughts that I brought,
pawns to your heart.
You took my life,
slashed me with darts to birth your every
new depart.
Yet, I love life.
Embrace all hearts to let my every
breath restart.
I mothered orphans that you brought,
pawns to impart.
Yet, I love life,
gathered your darts to vocalize your every
old discard.
Hold on to life, hold on to love;
beyond the loss, beyond the gain ...
my love.
In a list
A contest entry
- Tell Me How This Works by Budart.
700 points, ended July 8, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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A theme of nurturing, well written and interesting to read.
Enjoyed it.
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Delightful with a little Bleu Cheese! The love you have inspired will outlast every scar on every lost soul you comforted. This speaks to me on levels beyond words.
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Love is the essence of your life. It has brought you agony beyond imagination at times, but also bliss that we can not begin to record. You write from experience on this page. The best advice from a blessed expert. Ack.
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This is almost a word salad. I get a sense of what it is about but would like more detail. Punctuation would help with meaning.
If this poem has a lot of power for you I would try rewriting it as just a straight forward story them work back wards taking out unnecessary parts till you whittle it down to a poem.
Thanks for your entry and good luck. -
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I punctuated it.
I hope it reads more coherent now. It was meant to be a swirl, a whirlpool of emotions, so yes: word salad it is. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
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