Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Your lips can't paint my existence

Hold me still while I paint the sun; because I don't like the way it  adores my skin. I'll become a martyr for all the wrong reasons and blame you for scars I didn't know I had. Go ahead and let me blister and fade into my own follicle; trapping me in clogged pores. I'll never swim in deep enough of oceans or touch the brightest stars with my palm.

Instead, I'll scrape my knuckles in the sink while I wash dishes at Denny's and paint stars inside my eyelids; pretending I'm a success. Mommy's little angel never soared above the ceiling, so don't trip over the strings that hold me up. Your nose detests my breath, it's not as sweet as you would like to remember.

My soul can't hide another bruise and my face can't hold that thousand watt smile you want to exist. Look into my eyes! These are the same ones that worshiped your foot prints when you would scoop me up and kiss my wounds. I haven't faded; stop looking above me. Look within the galaxy I call my own.

I am a flicker;



this is how I shine. 

Author notes

Summer prose workshop...entry 2.

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with sideways about the end of paragraph one. And I too loved the raw emotion and intensity that this prose brought to the table. Great work


  • sideways hourglass
    June 30

    Edit | Reply
    I love the intensity here! It's edgy and it made me feel it. The only criticism I have is at the end of paragraph one, I think the imagery was rather cliche...and meaning-wise I don't think it added much. With a stronger image, I think it could have enhanced this. Otherwise, I think what you have here is great.

  • HollyLouise
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    I like how your using a lot of detail. Your pushing everything forward and it hits me and that's good.
    You might want to split the first section in half, because it's rather a big block of text. But it might be only me who's brain seems to fail when processing that

    "Instead, I'll scrape my knuckles in the sink while I wash dishes at Denny's" I really liked this bit, the part about scraping knuckles, i could feel it, it was just so real it kind of hurt.

    Holly.