Dragged behind matching rayon blends,
a helpless wagon pulled by waistlines;
simply a compliment to projected towers,
surrounded by those blackwater moats.
Lost in portraits, stocky legs a blockade
to the winking eyes of great aunts' cameras.
A napkin to crumbs, frosted and smeared,
on corners of rented fold-out chairs.
So few lines spoken in this leading role,
a latter servant to The Great Coat Parade.
Only once benefited, wait, lusted,
at glimpses of a nyloned thigh.
Soon to be misconstructedly forced
into a plastic zippered body bag,
after four more Hey Macarenas,
(alright)
and a slumber with a motel doormat.
Author notes
POM
Theme:
The complaints of a rental tuxedo's coattails.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM - by Bear by Arkbear.
1500 points, ended June 29, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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HEy just wanted to say congrats on hte win - your poem was great and a worthy gold!
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You also made POM over on my Homepage....I hope you are pleased
....and you need some more of these little yellow guys
Congrats...
...Bear -
http://destinationpoetry.com/PO__Contest_Series.html
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Thank you so much to you and all the hard work you and the judges put into this...I look forward to judging the next contest with yall, thanks again.
Def not expected
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Thanks for shaking things up on this contest with your entry Ryan!
Your sense of humor and unique style is so refreshing, especially as I felt there was a lack of creativity in this contest.
Nicely done!
I love your theme, and I felt your title definitely drew me in. Your word choices and imagery are excellent. Love seeing you on the contest again!!!
Thanks for your entry.
My scores:
Theme: 9.5
Title: 9.5
Flow: 9
Grammar: 9 ( only criticism, watch your filler words)
Creativity: 10
Rules: 10
Voice: 10
Imagery: 10
Thought factor: 9.5
Impact: 10
Overall Score: 96.5
Love it!!
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Love it!
Best wishes in the contest and always! Write on…
P.S. Nice to "see" you again! Be well...
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Hi.
A theme I don't think I would have thought of in a thousand years, wonderfully creative. Some of the lines were quite breathtaking in their imagery.
Thoroughly enjoyable.
Good luck in the contest.
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Hey there
Creativity is how you get my attention -
Now.....with that said, it would have been a tad difficult to understand the Theme, had it not been for your AN's......however, this is WHY we ask that you do so....because we want you to REALLY challenge yourself and challenge us as Judges to find your thoughts and connect them as you have done -
(I also thought *benefited) was spelled incorrectly...hehe -
I always find a nice balance of *Show & Tell* in your work......let my board say the rest....good luck!
Bear -
Title 9.95....had me curious.....I would click on this Title....excellent choice .....creative -
Flow 9.95....great Flow...pun.c's are used wisely and appropriately -
Depth 9.9.. depth is superb, you got into your write....talked to me....took me some place and got out....nice job-
Theme 9.95...Quite Creative....nice way to think out of the box -
Feelings 9.85...dramatic....impossible to not be caught up....excellent personification -
Grammar 9.4...pretty straight-forward choices....looking for that power!.....and never *date-stamp* your writes by saying things such as...*macarena*....just as The Wizard of Oz is timeless....so should your writes be -
Presentation 9.4...as stated in rules......for my own personal taste......all quatrains make me go...huuuuummmmmm.. *yawn* ...however.....your Tone made it work better than some writes with all Q's -
Uncommonness...10...Theme has not been done....very clever -
Sit & Ponder Affect 10...yes...I did ponder....had to read it a few times....loved it -
Ability to follow Rules 10.0...nice job
-Bears Score: 98.4
Creativity is what makes a Write score well from me -
No editing once a Judge has touched your work -
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Love the title. It took a minute but I could see the tuxedo's attitude emerge. Great job of weaving a tale that the mind has to work just a bit to wrap itself around
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This is great! Very unique and creative. Imagery is excellent, and I had a fun time reading this piece.
Title: 9
Flow: 9
Creativity: 9.65
Imagery: 9.25
Grammar: 9
Presentation: 8.75
Impact: 9 (funny!!!)
Uniqueness: 9.25
Emotion: 9
Rules: 10
91.90/100
Good luck in the contest, and please remember, no editing once a judge has commented on your work.
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Lol.... very clever and creative! The theme is different and that garners points with me. I enjoyed the word play and imagery. THanks for entering and best wishes.
Frogz~ -
Nice to see your name in the POM again, Ryan!
I really enjoy your word play, fun with the poem, and your theme and originality here...nicely done.
Best in the contest, and thank you for the entry.
No editing please after a judge has touched your work! -
Hi, and welcome to the POM
This is wonderful! I love the wordplay in your title, and your theme is very unique... I suppose I'll think differently about leaving my clothes on the floor after this
Excellent work & thanks for your entry
Laura.
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this is clever, put a smile on my face...I enjoy poems that make me think and as soon I got past the first few lines I noticed I was trying to guess where this poem was going to take me.....nice job
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